The Quiet Before the Storm
by bcandylandgirl
Summary: (Sexis) On the one year anniversary of Sonny and Alexis' only night of love, Alexis' alternate personality
1. Chapter 1

The Quiet Before the Storm by Candice (bcandylandgirl)  
  
Chapter 1  
  
April 22, 2003, 1: 53 AM  
  
The hallway was deserted now. Her chance to act had come and she had no intention of leaving until she did. She fished the key from her jacket pocket, placing it in the lock and slowly turning it until she heard the now familiar click resound in the small space. Mustering the courage to open the door, she walked in, momentarily looking around at all the little nick-knacks the room possessed. Things that spoke loudly about the mentality and persona of its owner; brooding, dark and elegant, all wrapped into one.  
  
She slowly crept along the living room, moving with practiced purpose as she climbed the stairs, in search of the man she had been watching from afar for weeks. Before, she had watched him from the shadows as he moved about town, not allowing nearly enough close access for her to get a read on him. But now she took care, not wanting to make any discernable sounds that would indicate the presence of an intruder to the man who lived there. Lately she found herself here almost every night. An unexplained force drawing her. That force leaving her unsatisfied if she fought it. Usually succumbing to it's power. She accepted it and seemed to now cherish it. It was unwelcome at first, but over this short amount of time looking forward to it.  
  
As she approached the door at the end of the hall, she saw the door slightly ajar. Cradling the door she eased it open on baited breath, hoping he was sound asleep. Dreaming the dreams of a man not tormented by his past or the present hurt she saw imprinted on his face daily. Only the night seemed to bring him any peace. Breathing a sigh of relief she saw that he was knocked out. Enjoying a peaceful sleep that she was glad he now seemed to be in the habit of obtaining. His bedroom was lit only by the moonlight that cascaded into the room, illuminating his sleep filled face. This is how she liked to see him. This was the man she had seen on a few occasions but that seemed to disappear when the cold light of day awakened him from his slumber.  
  
As she moved towards the bed she once again noticed the black satin sheets that adorned it. The contrast of his mocha kissed skin against the dark color that covered him sent her senses into a state of déja- vu. She stood over him as he slept peacefully, remembering those few precious times she was able to see him like this. So innocent and trusting. She watched the steady rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.  
  
Crouching closer, she sat beside him on the bed. Her need to touch him sent her senses into overload as she saw her delicately manicured hands reach out to touch him, as if she had no control over her actions. She wanted to touch the scar that reminded him daily of a sacrifice he made not so long ago.  
  
A feeling of wonder washed over her as she felt herself slipping away. Becoming someone new, yet very familiar.  
  
Opening her eyes, she was comforted by her surroundings, yet a niggling feeling burned in the pit of her stomach. Looking down, she noticed the face of the man who she yearned for constantly, and had felt like she hadn't seen in forever. Her fear was replaced by the love she felt. It radiated throughout her being as she sat so close to him.  
  
Moving as she had on many a nights, she fingered the scar, tracing its short length but remembering the enormity of the wound when first created. As her hands moved upward along his strong shoulders and throat, she slowly cupped his face. She let the back of her right hand caress his cheek as he smiled a contented smile at her touch, but still slept on. His happiness washing over her as she saw him revel in her touch. After a few moments his hands come up to rest atop hers. Having been lost in her actions his movement caused her to slightly jump and stop her ministrations.  
  
Holding her breath she looked into his eyes. Eyes, which were now open; two pools of chocolate that burned into her like wildfire. Her own eyes also burning into him. They sat in silence as if waiting for the other to make their move. She, not listening to the voice in her head telling her to stop, pushed it aside. Lowering her head, her lips descended upon his, sending a current of electricity through them both. Her slow moving kiss stirred a wanting in him that he now came to expect. She lightly flicked her tongue out, tracing his lips, asking for permission to enter the hot cavern of his mouth. He granted her wish, parting his lips, and reveling in the sweet bliss that overcame him as his tongue mingled with hers. He moaned deep in his throat, relishing the sweet nectar of her that he continuously longed to experience in the long hours of the night.  
  
As she felt herself giving into him, she felt his hands come to rest upon her upper arms. Moving slowly down them until they reached her elbows, detouring until they now gripped her hips. Pulling her slowly towards him, tying to get her to lay her body upon his naked one.  
  
The urge to join him in bed tugged at her heart. Knowing that his silent request was what she really wanted to oblige.  
  
Feeling herself about to lose control, her inner voice beckoned her to re- evaluate what she was doing. Then panic struck. Realizing the enormity of the situation she started to push his hands away, pulling back from the hands that now roamed her body, and his mouth that was branding her lips and face with kisses, leaving her lips bruised from his passionate assault. Fright mixed with longing taking hold of her, her mind screamed "NO!" although she spoke not a word.  
  
Feeling her reaction he stilled his movements. "Please don't stop," he asked. "Please don't run away." Looking imploringly at her he quietly begged, "Don't leave me like this when I need you." Hurt registering on his face as he looked at her fear filled eyes.  
  
Finally releasing herself from his hold she stepped away from him, "I can't," she replied. "I can't." Her eyes steadily filling with tears darted around the room, from his face to the door. She ran from the room, not seeing where she was going, only knowing where her inner voice told her not to be.  
  
"Come back! Stay with me," he cried. "Please!" He saw her form quickly move towards the door and fade from the room. He reached his arms out for her, only to feel the cold empty air envelope him.  
  
Opening his eyes he saw that he was alone. His common sense breaking through. He remembered where he was, and that he was alone. "She wasn't here," he told himself. "Nobody's here. She never was. It's just you. Alone. Get used to it."  
  
It was the same dream he had, night after night. A dream that always ended sadly, and way too soon. Wiping the errant tear that had escaped from his eye, he ran his fingers through his hair. Shaking off the bad feelings his dream brought.  
  
Turning over, he looked at the clock on his bedside table. 5:55 AM it read. "Wow, it's early," he said to himself. "God knows I can't go back to sleep now." Looking at the rays of the early morning sun that now filtered though his room he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and walked slowly towards the bathroom. "A good shower ought to get me going, help me start the day. Make me forget what's not meant to be."  
  
**************************************************************************** *  
  
Across town a woman smiled inwardly in her sleep at the vision before her. The man she loved. Kissing her. Grazing her silky skin. His fingers burning her body with every inch of her that he touched. She could smell him. The scent of cloves assaulting her senses. As she looked up into his face, she saw the man she loved staring back at her.  
  
Swiftly sitting up in bed she massaged her temple with a worried look on her face. Shaking off her last bit of sleep, she spoke his name in a confused whisper."Sonny."  
  
*Can't remember why we fell apart With something that was so meant to be Forever was the promise in our hearts No, more and more I wonder where you are  
  
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever waking reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind anytime I miss you  
  
Still have your picture in a frame Hear your footsteps down the hall I swear I hear your voice, driving me insane How I wish that you would call To say  
  
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime Do you ever waking reaching out for me Do I ever cross your mind anytime I miss you  
  
Oh, loneliness and heartache Oh, cry myself to sleep Oh, wondering about tomorrow If you'll come back to me, come back to me  
  
Do I ever cross your mind, anytime  
  
Do you ever waking reaching out for me  
  
Do I ever cross your mind anytime I miss you  
  
"Anytime" By Brian McKnight 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
April 22, 2003  
  
2:16 PM  
  
Alexis walked swiftly down the quiet suburban street. It was too short a distance to waste gas on. Besides, where she was going she could be there in a matter of minutes. "Why not walk?" she thought. " Maybe it'll even give me some time to think before I get there. Get my thoughts in order."  
  
The dark clouds of April loomed overhead, threatening to break at any time today. She had heard on the news that they were expecting rain but she secretly hoped the weatherman was wrong. The thought of it saddened her for some reason, like if it did it would be life changing. Good or bad? She didn't know. "Get a hold of yourself Alexis. Everything's going to be fine. Stay strong for her." Shaking off the nagging feeling, she continued down the street trying to push the bad thoughts away from her mind.  
  
Although she hated the thought of having to continue on with her sessions, she was more than willing to comply with the judge's provision for out patient therapy. She agreed to these conditions with the added bonus that she could once again return to her apartment. She couldn't exactly call it a home since her baby girl Kristina was not there yet with her. After having spent a month in the hospital she was more than ready to go home, and he could see it in her eyes too. Cameron was able to help Alexis remain calm, for most of the time she spent there anyway. "Kristina" did peek out a few times, laying into him about upsetting Alexis, but on some level he gained the trust of Kristina too, though she wouldn't admit it. Cameron was someone they could both trust. He showed Alexis that she could handle the blows of life, she always could. Her main problem was asking for and accepting help when she needed it. To be vulnerable was not a sin, it just made her human.  
  
Her trust in Cameron only deepened when he was able to help clear up the Alcazar mess. The evidence he turned over to the police was enough for them to find her not guilty of murder by reason of insanity. Alexis didn't like being labeled as "crazy" but if it meant she could be free to get the help she needed to get her daughter back, then she was willing to do whatever was needed to do so. The only bonus to this situation was that the court records were sealed. Any mention of her admittance to the hospital and the subsequent therapy sessions she had to adhere to were kept secret. The only information released to the press was that Alexis Davis was found not guilty of the Alcazar murder. Judge Griffin, still one of Alexis' greatest fans was able to finagle this. Something Alexis will always be grateful for.  
  
She wasn't practicing law for the time being. She felt too guilty at the prospect of handling any cases and not giving the 100% she felt her clients deserved under her current condition. It was easier to tell them that she needed a break than letting the world know the extent of her condition. Besides, once "little one" was home she had no intention of leaving her side. She would be a full time mother for at least a year. Her drive to win in the courtroom was still one of the many pleasures she reveled in, but motherhood had put that priority on the back burner for the time being. The law would always be there. But you can't get back the precious moments you share with your child.  
  
Cameron and Jax kept their promise to help her in anyway they could. And the fear that Ned would take her baby away was now a thing of the past.  
  
*************************************  
  
Walking towards the terminal for his flight, Ned thought about the events of the last two months. His life had changed dramatically. Jax, his and Alexis' long time friend had convinced Ned of meeting with Cameron to help Alexis. While helping Alexis Ned found that he had his own issues to work out as well. Letting baby Kristina go was the most important. He learned that he couldn't replace Brook-Lynn with someone else's child. It wasn't right. And holding baby Kristina's paternity over Alexis' head wasn't helping her to get better either. He finally decided to let the baby remain at the hospital where she could be near her mother. You can receive no greater love than that of a true parent. And he knew by his actions he didn't deserve to be a father to Kristina. A father wouldn't play on the weaknesses of its mother to seek revenge. A true father would do what is best for the child. And that's what he intended to do. Ned slowly but surely cut all ties with Faith. Letting his vendetta go. He may never like Corinthos, but he couldn't worry about that right now. Ned had a daughter that he didn't know very well, waiting for him in Brooklyn. As he took his seat on the plane and settled in, he looked out the window. He smiled inwardly at the vision of his little girl waiting for him. "I wanted a chance to be a father, and now I can. I just have to take it and make the most of it."  
  
***************************************  
  
As Alexis turned the corner leading to Cameron's house, she thought about all the promises he had made to her. The most important being to help her get better so she could bring "little one" home. This thought alone pushed her to make each and every appointment he scheduled. Sometimes she even took it upon herself to meet with him, making it look as if it were a chance encounter. She'd wait for him to drop by for his daily cup of coffee at Kelly's, or hang around the lobby of General Hospital after she visited Kristina to catch a word with him. Mostly to hear his reassuring words that she could one day soon show her daughter how much her mommy loved her. Show her daughter what a real home; full of love could be like. A home Alexis herself had never known. She would never really admit that she couldn't have survived these last two months without Cameron's help. He knew this, and so did she. But he was glad to take part in her little game of "accidentally" bumping into him around town. At least she was reaching out. That's all he could hope for. She still had a few issues with control to work out, but she was well on her way towards recovery.  
  
***************************************  
  
Cameron paced the length of his living room, impatiently awaiting the arrival of Alexis. He knew that lately he was acting as if he was a schoolboy in love, but that didn't matter. Not in the grand scheme of things. He knew that they weren't meant to be. She loved him, but as a friend, and there was nothing he could do about it. Besides, as long as he could count on her as a friend he knew he'd be ok.  
  
She helped him to understand some things about himself as well. Things he didn't want to hear, but had to know nonetheless. He had turned his back on his son, and he was now able to admit the part he played in the downward spiral of his youngest sons life. He and Alexander were making progress. Alexis had set up a few dinner dates for the three of them over the last four weeks since she had been out of the hospital. He knew it would take much time to mend the broken pieces of his relationship with his son, but time was all he had. How could he ask his patients to forgive if he couldn't ask that of himself? Alexis had helped him to find his way back to his son, and he'd do whatever he could to repay her. Even letting his feelings of love for her stay hidden within his heart.  
  
The familiar knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. Blowing out a breath meant to calm his nerves, he took a tentative step towards the door.  
  
Opening it, he saw her. She looked enchanting as always. He looked at her momentarily dumbstruck, thinking, "How am I ever going to get over her? It won't be easy. I know that."  
  
Finally finding the courage to speak, he covered his hurt feelings with a humble smile, and spoke her name in greeting. "Alexis." 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
Sonny made his way through the familiar halls of General Hospital. Moving like a man with an important mission in mind. Nodding and winking at the familiar faces of nurses he saw regularly, he noticed them blush at him from behind the nurse's station. He smiled the smile he puts on for the world for a brief moment. No one knew that he hadn't shared his true smile, dimples all ablaze in public in many months. The only person he felt comfortable enough with to let his guard down and show his true feelings to was that of the person he was going to visit.  
  
Reaching the end of the hallway he made eye contact with the man in the shadows, nodding the "ok" sign in reply. He took a deep breath before entering the room. Quietly closing the door behind him he made his way to the bassinet containing his baby girl. Picking her up he could see the excitement in her eyes. Speaking softly to her he smiled at her toothless and dimple filled grin, "Hey princess. How's daddy's little girl doing today?"  
  
*************************************  
  
Cameron, gaining his composure now found the ability to speak. Opening the door wider to let her in. "Alexis, it's good to see you. Prompt as always I see."  
  
Looking around the room Alexis replied, "Well, you know me. I just want this nightmare to be over. The sooner we start, the sooner I can leave."  
  
"Alexis."  
  
Seeing his look of hurt, she explains herself. "Cameron, you know I don't mean it that way." Pacing the room she continues as if speaking to herself, "It's just that you know I hate even talking about this anymore. I'm getting better. I'm keeping track of my time and other than some strange dreams it seems like Kristina is almost gone. I can account for every hour of the day. Now my sleeping hours not so much, but who can really take notes on sleeping patterns unless they are not actually asleep or are only half asleep in which case you can't really qualify it as sleeping and."  
  
"Alexis," he said, cutting off her rant. "Breathe."  
  
************************************  
  
"Hey my girl. You like that don't you?" Sonny said in a singsong voice, grinning widely as he talked to his princess. The last round of tummy kisses he bestowed upon a giggling Kristina left her breathless and content.  
  
Moving towards the rocking chair in the room he sat down, bringing his daughter into his lap to have one of their now famous daddy-daughter talks. As he handed his daughter her favorite stuffed animal that he had given to her, a small baby chick, she immediately grabbed onto it, hugging it to her little chest as she snuggled against her daddy's warm body. Eye's slightly closed, readying for her afternoon nap.  
  
"You know Kristina, I love you soo much. And it kills me everyday that I come to see you that I have to hide the fact that I'm your father. I mean it's great that I can see you regularly now, but I can't stop wishing that I could take you home with me. That you, your mother and I could be a family. But I know that's not possible right now. Your mother still hates me. I guess I can't blame her. I wasn't there for her when she needed me. But I want you to know that I never once stopped loving your mother. I did what was best for the both of you at the time. Things were crazy, and I needed to be away from you both to keep you safe. I hope that one day you'll be able to understand that."  
  
Kristina looked up at him with an angelic smile as if she understood. Grasping his thumb in her tiny little fist, she settled down once again into her daddy's arms, drifting off to sleep.  
  
"I only hope that one day I will be able to tell your mother why I did what I did. But who knows if the time will come? She'd have to be willing to stay in the same room as me for us to talk, and I don't see that happening any time soon. But I know I've got to do something. You won't be here in the hospital forever Kristina. Soon enough I won't have the option of stationing Johnny nearby to let me know when Alexis is around so I will know whether or not I can sneak in here and see you without her knowing. Once your mom is able to take you home, I'm pretty sure she'll notice a 6 foot man standing outside her door," he said with a weak laugh. Without divine intervention I can't see any way for me to get her OR you back. But I promise you, whenever you or your mother really need me, I'll be there. No questions asked." Kissing her silky head he closed his eyes and rocked her now sleeping form, content to be able to hold someone that he loved and who loved him, close to his heart.  
  
*****************************************  
  
"Alexis.Alexis," Cameron said while waving a hand in front of her face. Are you still there?  
  
Shaking her head from her far away thoughts she remembered where she was. Letting out a small nervous laugh she looked away from Cameron. Not wishing to discuss where her thoughts had led her. Especially not wanting to discuss whom she was thinking about. The man who haunted her dreams every night lately.  
  
"I'm fine Cameron. It's still me, Alexis. I was just daydreaming. Don't get too excited, I still believe that's an activity normal people experience. I may still have Kristina running around in my head sometimes, but I can still function on my own without her sometimes," she said. Embarrassment covering her face as she tried to deflect.  
  
Laughing at the blush that crept across her face, he decided to see where this lead.  
  
"Where did you go on me Alexis?"  
  
"Oh, it was nothing. It's just that I haven't heard someone tell me to breathe in a long time."  
  
"Sounds like something worth delving into Alexis. Who was this person? They sound like they meant a great deal to you." Already knowing the answer, he asked her anyway. He may not know the man's name, since Alexis never told him. But he did know the back-story. She had told him once about the man, but had never given any pertinent details as to who he was. No specifics at all. But he did know what the man had done to her when he left her for another woman, feeling broken and rejected. The stupidity of this man to leave Alexis for anyone else still left him dumbfounded as always. Trying his best to be helpful, he smiled, though he wanted to lash out for the injustice he felt. "She longs for a man who rejected her, but I want her! Just as she is. But I know it's not enough. She has to want me too. All of me. But I know I'm not what she wants." This was not a subject he himself wanted to get into with Alexis, but he knew he had to. "This is about helping her. Not pushing her to think about this will only hurt us both in the end. Whoever it is, she loves him. This I know is true."  
  
Standing up from the couch, Alexis moved to the window, staring out at the setting sun. Cameron noticing this, waited for her to answer. He knew she was distancing herself. He knew she could hide her feelings if her back was to him. He could always read her thoughts just by looking into her eyes. What use to be a mystery to him, was now like an open book. Anyone could read her and tell what she was thinking, what she needed, and what she wanted. If only they cared enough to try. She was much more fragile than people gave her credit for. Her best defense mechanisms were to appear distant and calculated or to simply joke herself out of uncomfortable situations with her savvy "Alexis Davis Attorney at Law" wit and infallible banter. He would let her do neither of these things right now. The matter needed to be discussed, and right now.  
  
After giving her a few moments to collect her thoughts, he was about to broach the subject again when he was interrupted by her soft voice, as she looked sadly out of the window.  
  
"I was thinking about my baby's father." 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
"What about your baby's father?"  
  
Shifting from foot to foot, she finally decided to look at him. "He's been haunting my dreams lately."  
  
"Is that a bad thing? Has he done something to scare you in your dreams? Make you feel like you need to protect yourself?" The alarm clearly showed in his voice and face. Even though he knew a dream could not physically hurt her, he knew it could hurt her emotionally. His own nightmares about life with his son from years ago still woke him from his sleep. They tormented him still, even as he was now working to rebuild a relationship with his son. They may be less frequent, but the shame and hurt he felt from them was still the same, each and every time. He knew it would take much time before he could forgive himself and his son. Not wanting the same thing for anyone, let alone Alexis, he couldn't stop what he felt inside. His inner voice yelling, "If he has done anything to hurt you I'll make him pay!"  
  
"Yes," she replied. Her voice breaking through the mental war he was engaged in. Unaware of his secret thoughts. "In my dreams he has scared me, many times."  
  
Before he could respond, she went on. "He scares me because my feelings for him are still so raw. The way I feel about him hasn't died. I still love him, even after all that we've been through. After all this time I still feel connected to him. It's like I can feel him with me in my dreams. I can smell him, I can feel his touch. I'm scared of my feelings for him because I feel so much for him, and I can't have him. He chose someone else. And the rejection I felt, coupled with the death of my sister left me bitter, and I took it out on him. I pushed him too far. I know he hates me, and even if he doesn't hate me now, I know that if I ever tell him that I lied to him, that Kristina is really his child and not Neds, I know that he WILL hate me. How could he not? I kept him from his daughter; the one thing I know he cherishes above all else is a child, to have a child of his own. I now know that when I first lied about who her father was, I did it to protect Kristina from his world. It was a cruel and ugly place that I did not want my child to be apart of. And it was only made worse by the fact that my greatest fears could become reality. The reality that my child would go through the same nightmare that I did, growing up with someone who hates her as much as Helena hated me. I couldn't do that to any child of mine. I knew that Carly would hate her because she would be a reminder of me. Of the night Sonny and I slept together. I couldn't do that to my child! I couldn't take that chance!" she cried.  
  
Cameron, seeing how visibly upset she was getting looked at her and told her to breathe. Beckoning her to join him on the couch, she took in a few more deep breaths, and moved to sit beside him. Pulling her into his arms she laid her head against his chest, still breathing deeply, trying to calm her nerves. She knew that the 'Kristina' she didn't want to see could take charge at any moment if she didn't calm down. "Now is not the time to lose it Alexis," she told herself. "You can do this. Cameron's your friend. He's only trying to help."  
  
As shock was registered on his face, he continued to rub her back, trying to sooth the stress of her outburst away, also biding his time so he could think about what she had just said. She did it. She finally admitted who Kristina's father was. Cameron had had his suspicions, but it was all too real to him now. Sonny Corinthos was the father of Alexis' baby. "How come I didn't see this before?"  
  
His inner voice chided him for his stupidity. "You know why you didn't, be honest with yourself. You didn't want to know. You let your own feelings get in the way. It was easier no to think about it. If you didn't know his name or who he was then you could go on thinking you had a chance with her, that you could make a life with her. It was easier to forget he existed because an unknown person is easier to fight. If you pretend they're not real, then you think they don't exist. You thought that the man from her past was no real competition for you to win Alexis' heart. You thought you could win, that you could win her love. But it's too late now. The man does exist. He is real. Sonny is real and her love for him is real. It doesn't matter if they never get back together. I will never have Alexis' heart, because it's not hers to give to me. It belongs to someone else. It belongs to Sonny. No amount of denying it will make it untrue."  
  
Releasing a huge breath, Cameron looked towards heaven, silently asking God to give him the strength to let go of Alexis from his heart. Wiping the tears that had escaped from his eyes, he faced the truth. He and Alexis weren't meant to be. To keep her from Sonny would only be self-serving. The ultimate act of love he could do for her was to let her go.  
  
The room was still and quiet for a while as thoughts ran rampant through both their minds.  
  
Alexis, taking another deep breath picked up where she left off as she adjusted herself more comfortably into Cameron's embrace. This time, her voice more in control, but hating the truth she had to speak.  
  
"I realize now that I was hiding from the truth. I didn't want to see that I could bring as much danger into the life of my child as Sonny's could. Who am I to point the finger of blame at anyone? I ran from the truth and hid how I felt for so long that I had to invent another personality just to deal with what I was going through. This new Kristina was the strong one. She did what I couldn't do. She killed a man; she killed Alcazar for me, for my baby. She may have been the one to do it, but I still have his blood on my hands. Kristina did it for all the right reasons. But I know the world is better off without him. My baby is better off without living in a world he breathes in. For that I will forever be indebted to Kristina. She was there for me when I was alone, and protected me when I was too afraid to do it for myself. I was so grieved for what I had lost with Sonny. It was easier to be Kristina. When I was Kristina, the world was a bit lighter. Kristina didn't love Sonny like I did. She didn't spend countless hours awake at night pining for him like I did. When I was her, I was free from feeling the rejection that overtook me. I guess she became apart of me because I felt so alone. I needed someone to be there for me. Chloe was gone, my sister Kristina was gone, and then Sonny was gone, from my life anyway. My own sister, God rest her soul was taken from me. And I guess this was my own twisted way of getting her back."  
  
Looking up into Cameron's own emotionally filled eyes, she took his face into her hands, and looked at him pointedly. "I know my sisters gone. I know she's in heaven with my mother and Chloe. This Kristina who lingers down here on earth with me, in my head, isn't Kristina. She isn't my beautiful sister. But she is someone who I deeply care for. And I know that sooner or later I have to let her go."  
  
Laughing slightly she said, " Funny, someone who has done all of the things she has, I feel like it's going to be hard to let her go. By her being here she brought out the worst in me, but most of all she seems to have brought out the best in me too. I'll never forget that."  
  
"Alexis, it's only natural to feel that way. She is apart of you. Maybe she always will be in some way. Just keep the best of her and incorporate it into who Alexis is now. In the end it's your choice. I can't make Kristina go away for you. It's up to you to let her go. You need to come to the forefront. You need to be in charge of your life, not Kristina. You can stand on your own. Take back your life and make it better. I know you're not superwoman, but you can do super things," he said as he smiled at her. "I believe in you. I always have. Don't let your past control you. Forgive Sonny, forgive yourself. Your baby will benefit from it. She will benefit from having you both in her life. I'm sure the two of you can find a way to protect her. And maybe the two of you can heal together. You never know."  
  
Pulling herself away from Cameron she moved to the far end of the couch. Hurt registered on Cameron's face at her actions, but he let it be.  
  
"Cameron, I wish more than anything that I could tell Sonny, and I want to. But the thought of him hating me, or even taking my baby away from me scares me too much! You've never seen his temper before. He can be soo unpredictable. I can't lose my child, to anyone, not even him."  
  
**************************************  
  
As Sonny walked along the docks he sat down upon the bench, looking out at the water as the sun had just recently set. The clouds overhead turning darker still as light thunder crackled out in the distance upon the face of the water. Still no rain had come down all day.  
  
Thinking about the current state of his life he was saddened by all that had happened to him lately. Two months ago Alexis was the number one suspect in the Alkazar murder case. Shock and disbelief overcame him as he learned this, and a gloating Carly had floated into the room to spread the news as if she were carried in on the wings of angels. As if all was right with the world. But he knew that things were anything but all right. The mother of his child could possibly go to jail, and his daughter might face the cruel reality that she too, like her mother would have to grow up without knowing her mother, or her mothers love. That was something he would not stand for. Though Carly begged and pleaded with sonny not to help Alexis, he knew that no amount of guilt from Carly would turn him around.  
  
"Why are you helping that witch?" she screamed. "Why are you helping her now? After all she has done to you, you still want to help her. That kid is not yours Sonny, no matter how hard you may want to believe it. You saw what the test results said. She's not yours. Get over it! Alexis cares nothing for you. She hates you, so why would you lift a finger to help her?"  
  
With cold steel and determination in his face, he told her," Because Alexis and I were friends! She means more to me than I was ever willing to admit. I let my pride and guilt over you get in the way and I turned my back on the one person who was always there for me. I won't do that to her again. She needs someone to help her, and I'm going to do all I can to do just that! If you can't handle that then you'd better leave."  
  
Seeing the sincerity in his eyes Carly stormed from the room. "This isn't over Sonny! Not by a long shot!"  
  
Sonny, already turning his back to her reached for the phone and dialed Benny. As the phone started to ring he listened, waiting for Benny to answer. He did not hear the stomping of Carly's feet as she made her way out the door.  
  
Benny, finally picking up the phone a moment later responded. "Yeah."  
  
"Benny, it's Sonny. I need the number to Judge Griffin."  
  
********************************************  
  
* I cry and you comfort me  
  
I'm lost and you hear my scream  
  
So it's hard to watch you falling  
  
When you run so deep in me  
  
You live in me  
  
Gonna stand by your side now  
  
Let me kiss all your tears away  
  
You can stay in my arms now  
  
And I know I can make you believe again  
  
I walk but you can run through fire  
  
I search for reasons and baby you inspire  
  
But I know somebody hurt you  
  
And I know you really need a friend  
  
Well you can take my hand  
  
Gonna stand by your side now  
  
Let me kiss all your tears away  
  
You can stay in my arms now  
  
And I know I can make you believe again  
  
So when you're feeling like you can't go on  
  
Don't you know  
  
You never walk alone no  
  
And you live in me  
  
Gonna stand by your side now  
  
Let me kiss all your tears away  
  
You can stay in my arms now  
  
And I know I can make you believe again  
  
I'm gonna stand, stand by your side  
  
Kiss all your tears away tonight  
  
I'm gonna stand, stand by your side  
  
Make you believe again  
  
I wanna look in your eyes now and see you smiling again  
  
"Stand By Your Side" By Céline Dion 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
As Sonny sat there on the docks quietly in thought, a slight smile graced his lips at what he had done. Alexis may never know that he had helped her, but that didn't matter. What mattered was that for once he was able to make a good decision for his child and her mother. He knew Alexis wouldn't take his help if he offered it, but he did know that if he told Judge Griffin about Alexis' situation, she would be more than willing to help in any way that she could. And he was right. He would never do anything as dishonest as bribing a judge when it came to Alexis. If it were his life on the line he would pay someone off in a heartbeat to get off, but he knew that if he did that with Alexis, she would never forgive him. Breaking the law for her would be unforgivable. He just made sure Alexis had the most sympathetic judge to hear her case. Someone who wasn't in Scott Baldwin's back pocket.  
  
When he heard the good news that Alexis was free of the charges he was happier than he had been in months. "Who can I celebrate with?" Knowing that no one in his inner circle were exactly the biggest fans of Alexis, he decided to take the next step he needed to get his life back. He needed to visit his baby girl.  
  
And that's where they're love affair began. The moment he laid eyes on his baby girl he knew she would forever be the love of his life. She was his heart, and he knew he could deny her nothing.  
  
Looking back at the past two months Sonny could only laugh at the moments he shared with his daughter. What would his enemies think if they could see the big bad mobster Sonny Corinthos wrapped around an infants finger? Sonny didn't even want to think about this. But he knew that things would soon be better for the people around him. Things were already starting to calm down. Without Faith and Ned trying to take him down he could finally take a deep breath and not worry about who's around the corner waiting to shoot him. Ned had suddenly decided to back off, his reasons were unknown at first. But a few weeks after he had disappeared from town Lois had called Sonny, telling him about how Ned had showed up in Brooklyn. Ned had rented a place nearby to the Cerullo's, and spent a little time everyday with his daughter, making a conscious effort to get to know her. Sonny wouldn't be surprised in the least if this new connection brought Ned and Lois back together. He may not like Ned, but Sonny knew how important family was, and if they can find happiness together, then far be it from him to interfere. Besides, he had learned his lesson with the Jason and Courtney fiasco.  
  
At first, Sonny had fought with everything he had to keep Jason and Courtney apart. He wanted her safe, she was his little sister after all. But he had to come to grips with the fact that she was a grown up. She was free to make her own choices. No matter how hard Sonny tried to deny this he knew it was his problem to deal with. If Courtney was willing to take the risk of being with Jason then who was he to stop her? Seeing the fire in his sister's eyes when she repeatedly defied his orders, the truth finally sank in. To keep them apart was cruel and he knew it. You love who you love, you can't help it. You don't choose them, they chose you. If anyone knew what this felt like it was Sonny. Sonny had made a choice almost a year ago to love someone, but afterwards he listened to his head and not his heart and let true love get away from him. From then on he vowed that even if he couldn't get back what he had found, then he would at least not stand in the way of anyone else's happiness. He had chosen the careful route and had to deal with the consequences.  
  
Then there was Faith. The most stubborn of all. She had tried to go after Sonny alone after Ned had severed their partnership. But alas, she soon found out that she needed money to do it, money she didn't have anymore without Ned. Even Edward had backed out of the deal when Ned had turned ELQ back over to him. Edward was back at the helm again, where he felt he belonged. Getting back at Sonny no longer held its appeal. Edward might still try and go after the "mobster" as he called Sonny, in the future, but not any time soon. For Edward, getting Michael back would be futile. Even if they won custody of the child, he had spent far too much time with the Corinthos family to ever really feel at home with them. Edward had other things to think about right now. Taking back his place as head of the family had preoccupied his time, as well as trying to regain his relationship with his granddaughter Emily after she returned to town.  
  
Sonny was content with his life now. He knew that soon his enemies wouldn't bat an eye to even think that he would re-enter their world. After looking into the eyes of his children, Michael and Kristina, he knew that he didn't want either of them growing up in a world full of violence. The decision to let go of his territory was all at once an easy one. He had met with the five families over the last few weeks. They had all agreed on his decision to divide his territory amongst themselves in exchange for Sonny and his family's protection, with the bonus that he could keep his legitimate businesses such as the island hotels and casinos. As he thought about what could have happened if things went wrong, he gave a much-needed sigh of relief. Things could have gone a lot worse, but so far they hadn't, and for that he was truly grateful. He was still hassled by Taggert every now and then, but he knew sooner or later the cop would move on. Taggert would soon see that there was nothing there. Sonny no longer had reason to be hauled down to the PCPD. He was now on the up and up, totally legit. He could now breathe freely without wondering who was lurking around the corner, or waiting for him in an alley. To say he was very happy with the outcome was an understatement. Besides, what did he need with power any more? He wasn't that little boy trapped in the closet anymore. He could fight back now. He wasn't helpless. He was a man. A man with responsibilities that included keeping his family safe. All of his family safe, whether they considered themselves apart of him or not. Not another drop of blood would be shed because of him.  
  
As Sonny looked out into the dark night, he was grateful for two things; Alexis and his daughter were safe, and his son Michael was still apart of his life. Carly may try her best to hate Sonny, but she knew that Michael would always need Sonny, and that's one relationship she would never try to kill. "I may never get to be a real father to Kristina, but she WILL always be apart of me. Even if I have to love her from afar. The only thing that warms my heart right now, is knowing that I will always have my son. I can't replace one child with another. I wouldn't want to, or even try to. But I can give Michael, the one child in my life right now, all my love, and let him know that he will always be wanted and loved by me, no matter what."  
  
******************************************  
  
"Alexis, did you ever think that maybe things between you and Sonny could work out? I mean obviously you two were close once. You do share Kristina after all," he said, bringing a smile to her face.  
  
"Touché."  
  
"You know I'm right Alexis. I may not have been here when you two were on speaking terms, but I can see how he affects you. You wouldn't be nearly this upset if he were just some past lover. You still care for him." Looking down as if it physically hurt him to say so, he continued. "You should go look for him. Tell him how you feel. Tell him about Kristina. At the very least let him be apart of your daughter's life. He's already missed so much. You will never know if you two still stand a chance if you don't take a leap of faith. Faith is what life is all about. Sometimes you have to put your fears aside and go after what you want. That's the most important lesson I want you to take away with the time we have spent together. Sonny may surprise you. People change. You certainly have, and maybe he has too. You'll never know if you don't try."  
  
Moving closer to her, he took hold of her hand. Wiping away the few tears that have escaped her eyes, he looks at her, willing her to be strong. "Maybe a year ago you weren't ready to be together. Maybe the timing was off. All things happen for a reason Alexis. You can't be afraid of life. Things may not always go according to what you plan, but at least you will know that you have given your best."  
  
"That all sounds wonderful Cameron. In theory it makes sense, but me and Sonny are not sensible people," she said half jokingly.  
  
"I have to agree with you." He said as he smiled at her. "Any man that tangles with the lovely Ms. Davis would have to be a little eccentric."  
  
"Hey buster!" she said, playfully swatting him in the chest.  
  
Laughing at the appalled look on Alexis face, he takes hold of her hand again as it rests against him. "But I mean that with the highest compliment in mind. Any man would be crazy not to love you."  
  
Dimples all ablaze, a true smile graced Alexis' face at Cameron's admission. Her mock look of anger now gone. "Thank you Cameron. Really, thank you. You have been my rock throughout all of this. And I hope I can still count on you as a friend even when this whole mess is over with."  
  
"Your quite welcome Alexis, you can always count on me. Indeed."  
  
Seeing that the hour was becoming late, Cameron stood and pulled Alexis up to him. "You had better be getting home Alexis. The hour is getting late. Let me drive you home."  
  
"No Cameron. Thanks for the offer, but I still need some time to think. The walk will do me good."  
  
Knowing it was better no to force the issue, he let it go.  
  
"So you'll think about what I said Alexis?" he said, his smile coming out in full form.  
  
A half exasperated look came across her face. "Yes Cameron, I'll think about it. But I'm not making any promises. I don't see myself making that leap anytime soon. Especially where me and Sonny's relationship is concerned. But I will think of something as far as Sonny and our daughter is concerned. That is something I do need to make right. I just need some time to think about what I'm going to do."  
  
Walking towards the door, she opened it and peered into the night. Looking back she said, "Good bye Cameron, see ya next week." And with a quick wink to her friend, she turned and closed the door.  
  
"Goodbye Alexis." He said rather strained. "In more ways than one." 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
As Alexis entered her apartment building she did so with a decidedly happier step than when she left. The session with Cameron had gone well today, and the night air had done her some good on her walk home. As spring always did, it gave her a sense of hope and a feeling of truly being alive. Even with the dreary day that had loomed overhead all day, and the dismal state of her personal and professional life, she still could find joy in one fact, and one fact alone; her baby girl would be coming home soon. "I just have to stay strong and get through this a little longer. I can do this. Stay calm and don't let unimportant things upset you. Nothing else matters right now accept little one."  
  
As the elevator reached the 8th floor, Alexis stepped off the elevator. Content to finally rest after the emotionally filled day. Alexis, walking down the hall, head down; looking for her keys didn't notice the person standing beside her door.  
  
"Hello Alexis. Session go well today?" Carly asked with a decidedly snotty undertone.  
  
As Alexis' head finally snapped up at the voice speaking to her, a look of utter surprise came across Alexis' face. "How did she know I have been going to therapy? No ones supposed to know. I guess the little sneak found out like she always does; hiding in places she shouldn't be, looking and snooping into things that are none of her business." Alexis, wanting to do anything but be bothered by the little termagant slowly took in a deep breath before making eye contact with her. "I won't give her the satisfaction of getting to me. Not after all the progress I have made. The last thing I need is Carly's death on my conscious," she said to herself with a slight laugh.  
  
Seeing that Carly was none too happy about the smile on her face she promptly put her smirk back into hiding for Carly's benefit. It would only make Carly wonder what she was laughing at.  
  
"Although it would serve the little witch right if 'Kristina' came out of hiding and pummeled the little cretin."  
  
Choosing to handle the situation herself she dug in with both heels to get in a jab of her own. "What do you want Carly?" Alexis said in an exasperated tone. "Need a lawyer to bail you out of something? Sorry, not available. My services to you and your kind were severed a long time ago. Whatever it is you have done I suggest you plead guilty and serve your time. It might do you some good, as well as everyone else you come into contact with. Who knows, maybe you'll find that ultimate love your always ranting about. I'm pretty sure your cell mate will give you all the attention you need," Alexis said with a smug look on her face.  
  
"Like I'd ever ask for your help!" Carly said with a bitter laugh. "You're as crazy as they come. I always knew something was wrong with you."  
  
"Is that why you came here Carly? To go over the fine details of my sanity? Believe me, if that was your intention then you can just drop it. I believe you did a stay at Ferncliff yourself not so long ago. So I'd be careful pointing fingers if I were you. Remember, while your pointing me out on the finer points of insanity there's three fingers pointing right back at you."  
  
Turning back to her task, Alexis tried to ignore Carly and her look of furry. Reaching for her keys again she found them and attempted to put them in the lock.  
  
"Hey! You know what!" Carly said, yanking Alexis' arm away from the door.  
  
As the keys fell to the carpet Alexis closed her eyes, willing herself not to let the little cretin upset her. "Remain calm Alexis. You knew you'd have to face her again some day."  
  
Taking a deep breath, she once again steeled her nerves and tried to remain calm. "Carly, I really haven't the slightest idea what you want, and I can see that your not going to leave until you tell me what it is. I make no promises to help you in any way. I'll only listen since that seems to be the only way to satisfy you. Go head! Get it over with if it will make you feel better."  
  
"Why so testy Alexis? Has little old me upset you? I heard about your little problem controlling yourself. You had to come up with someone else to do your dirty work for you 'cause you couldn't handle it, could you? I always knew you were the little mouse Helena said you were. Just goes to prove my point. You'll never get anything because you're too afraid to go after what you want. And even if you tried, you would still fail. Look what happened with you and Sonny. He used you for one night and then pushed you aside when I came back."  
  
Seeing the look of hurt show in Alexis' eyes for a brief moment, Carly knew she had hit her target. She pressed on.  
  
"You think that just because Sonny helped you that you'll have a chance of getting him back. Well let me tell you, that will never happen. You won't keep him long even if you do. Once he finds out that he's the father of your baby and that you lied to him, he'll never forgive you. He'll hate you and take your baby away. You'll never see that brat again." Carly pressed on with a smug smile. "I can't wait for that to happen. Poor Alexis might check out on us and 'Kristina' will emerge. You might even do something to land yourself back in the mental ward, never to see your precious daughter again."  
  
Massaging her temple Alexis slowly and with as much control as she could muster looked into the eyes of the woman she had grown to hate.  
  
"Carly, doesn't someone with supposedly everything she could ever want have nothing to do besides make up imaginary threats to her happiness by badgering innocent people? Weren't you in the room when the test results were read? Besides, even if Sonny was Kristina's father, and I'm not saying that he is, you would have nothing to worry about. He has the family that he has always wanted. And you say Sonny helped me? With what! He wouldn't lift a finger to help me and you know it. I haven't spoken to him in months since your 'blissful reunion.' He chose you! He loves you. Deal with it. Let it sink in. Marinate it in your twisted little thoughts until it sticks. Now if that's all cleared up I'll ask you to leave. Go home to him and leave me and my child the hell alone!"  
  
A look of shock momentarily graced Carly's face, but she hid it well, being replaced by an evil and hopeful smile. Her mind working in overdrive at her next plan of action. "So the little twit doesn't know that Sonny and me broke up. I would have thought he would be bowing at her feet by know, asking the mighty Alexis for a second chance. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe Sonny did only want to help her. Maybe I still have a chance with him. I wonder where he is?"  
  
Seeing the twisted wheels of Carly's mind turning she brought Carly back out of her reverie.  
  
"What are you up to Carly? I swear to God you'll pay if you do anything to me or my daughter!"  
  
Feigning ignorance, she looked at Alexis as if she hadn't a care in the world. Smiling sweetly she answered, "Calm down Alexis, sheesh! You sure have become even more neurotic than your old usual self. I would have thought therapy would have done you some good. Don't worry, I'm done with you now. I've said my peace."  
  
Alexis, not liking the look on her face, acted cooler than she felt. "I can't let her upset me anymore. I'm too tired to even think about what could be going on in that warped little mind of hers. Hopefully I've convinced her that I'm not going after Sonny and she'll leave."  
  
"Are we done here Carly?"  
  
"Sure thing Alexis. Just remember, stay away from Sonny. He's mine and he always will be."  
  
As Carly walked away, Alexis closed her eyes taking in a deep breath. Gaining her composure for the time being she turned towards the door again. As Alexis picked up her keys she noticed an extra key on her key ring that she hadn't seen before.  
  
"I wonder where this came from?" she asked herself. "Who cares, just get inside before hurricane Carly comes back for round two."  
  
As Alexis entered her apartment she dropped her purse and keys on the desk and plopped down on the couch for some much-needed rest from the events of the day.  
  
"Well, I guess that's that. Looks like Carly's engines are revved up and she's ready for battle. But who am I kidding? I couldn't steal Sonny away if I tried. Besides, the little harpy was right."  
  
Carly's words floated through her head taunting her over and over again.  
  
".Once he finds out that he's the father of your baby and that you lied to him, he'll never forgive you. He'll hate you and take your baby away. You'll never see that brat again."  
  
Emotion overtaking her she screamed, "I can't let that happen! I can't stand the thought of losing my baby. Carly will have everything that's important to me within her grasp and I'll have nothing! She'll have Sonny AND my daughter. I can let her have Sonny. He isn't mine to take. But she can't have my child. I won't stand for it!"  
  
Felling herself becoming dizzy with emotion her thoughts of fear faded away. "Kristina" suddenly sat up straight with a clear head, full of determination, minus the tears her sister shed a moment ago.  
  
"My, my, my. I can see that Carly has once again come along and slowed down our progress. I can't let Alexis get upset like that anymore. I can't let Carly win. Sonny and Alexis belong together, but Alexis is too scared to go after him herself. I guess its little sister to the rescue again. This means war. No holds bar. I can't keep sneaking into Sonny's apartment at night, though I know that's what Alexis secretly wants to do. We have to take more drastic action. I can see how much she loves him by the way she looks at him, touches him, and kisses him when she's with him. Even if she does think it's all just a dream. It's real, their love is real. Time to make the dream a reality. Sonny makes her happy. She deserves happiness and that's what I'm going to give her. Time to get the show on the road."  
  
Crossing over to the desk she grabs Alexis' keys and runs out the door heading for the parking garage. As she reaches the car and gets behind the wheel, she starts the engine, peeling out of the garage at breakneck speed.  
  
Finally reaching the highway she grabs Alexis' cell, breathing in the cool night air, which is full of the promise of rain. Coasting down the highway as her hair billows in the wind, she dials a number she has recently put to memory. As the phone rings on the other end, she patiently waits for the caller to answer.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Sonny?"  
  
"Alexis? Is that you? Is something wrong?  
  
Trying her best to imitate her sister with as much emotion as possible, she continues, "Sonny I'm in trouble. I need you." 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
As Sonny continues to sit on the docks looking out at the water, he is unaware that a spy has been lurking in the darkness, waiting to pounce.  
  
Just as the person is about to make their move, they are stopped in their tracks when they hear Sonny's cell phone ring. Not being able to discern what is being said, they continue to watch him from the shadows.  
  
"I wonder what's up with him? He seems upset. Maybe it's trouble with business."  
  
Speaking loudly into the phone Sonny asks his question again. "Alexis, where are you? What can I do to help?"  
  
"Please Sonny, just come to Brenda's cottage. Come alone. I need you..." and then the call was disconnected.  
  
"Alexis! Alexis! Answer me!"  
  
Sonny stared in disbelief as he only heard the inhuman drone of the operator, "If you'd like to make a call, please hang up and try again."  
  
Sonny, still momentarily shocked by the call from Alexis couldn't move. His feet seemed like they were implanted in the wooden planks covering the walkway of the docks.  
  
He can't seem to think of anything else until he heard someone approaching at a dead run.  
  
"Sonny! Sonny. Hey, I was just looking for you. What are you doing down here?" she says as she moves towards him, gushing sex appeal.  
  
"What do you want Carly? I'm busy," he says while finally able to move to walk away. Carly gave him the will to walk away. After being stunned by Alexis' call for help, he need some type of motivation to move. And that motivation was standing right in front of him.  
  
Her smile now morphs into a scowl as she reached out to grab his arm. He looks at her with a look of impatience and disdain.  
  
He can see the look of hurt on her face but he can't think about that now. His thoughts turn to Alexis. "Alexis needs me," he thought to himself.  
  
Crossing her arms, she questions him. "Sonny? What's wrong with you? I haven't spoken to you in weeks besides discussing Michael's scheduled visitations with you, and now you want to bite my head off! We use to be so close and now you treat me like a stranger. What happened?"  
  
"Carly, I can't get into this right now. I have places to be, important things to do. I don't have time to rehash the past with you! There's something I need to take care of and it can't wait."  
  
"What? Do you have some other 'damsel in distress' you need to go rescue? I know that look in your eye Sonny. I know it's some other woman you're worried about right now. The only question is who?" Dramatically tapping her chin she starts running a mental list of who it could be. "Let's see.Brenda left the country months ago, so I know it's not her. And I know that Jason can definitely protect Courtney so that rules her out, and you can clearly see that I don't need rescuing at the moment. So who does that leave?"  
  
The anger building in him, he tries to put a cap on his emotions for the moment, not wanting to waste any more time and energy on Carly than was necessary.  
  
With a deadly tone he answers, "Leave it alone Carly."  
  
From the look in his eye she can only gather that her worst fears have come true.  
  
"I don't believe it. I simply don't believe it!" she says, as if all the pieces have come together.  
  
"Your going after Alexis aren't you?"  
  
"What would make you say that Carly? Have you done something I should know about?"  
  
"Why do you assume that I've done something wrong? Do you think so little of me?"  
  
"Well I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings Carly. Past experience has taught me a few things."  
  
"What's wrong now Sonny? Something wrong with her kid that you think you can fix? Has she landed herself in jail again? What? Are you going to try to save everyone but me now? Why is everyone so much more important to you than me all of a sudden?"  
  
"Carly, I don't want to get into this right now."  
  
"Don't do this Sonny. Please. Don't go after her! Forget about that baby! I can give you all the babies you want. I know I've had some problems getting pregnant before, but I've been seeing Dr. Bonds, and she's been helping me with fertility treatments. I can still give you the family you want. Me, Michael, a new baby? It can all happen if you'd just give me another chance Sonny."  
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean Carly?"  
  
As the truth set into his mind, he saw a look of panic cross Carly's face. She knew the truth. She had known it all along.  
  
He had one simple question for her.  
  
"You know, don't you? You've known since the beginning haven't you?"  
  
"Know what?"  
  
"Don't lie to me Carly. I see you too clearly now to be fooled by your innocent act."  
  
"Sonny, I don't know what your thinking but..."  
  
"Save it Carly. I should have known. You've always put your well being ahead of others no matter what the cost. "  
  
Breathing in deeply but trying to stay in control he continued.  
  
"You knew that Alexis was carrying my child, and you kept it from me."  
  
"Sonny, you saw the test results. What are you talking about?"  
  
"Even after the test results, you still knew the truth. I knew it too but I kept my findings to myself for Alexis and the baby's sake. I wanted them safe, so I kept my mouth shut. I even kept it from you because I knew you'd try to make Alexis' life hell if you knew I knew the truth. Carly you knew that I would leave you if I found out Alexis was carrying my child, so you purposefully kept her babies paternity from me. You lied to me!"  
  
"Don't get all high and mighty with me Sonny! You lied to me too!" Grabbing her by the arm he looked her coldly in the eye. Speaking through gritted teeth he spoke to her with venom in his voice. "Carly, I lied to protect the people I love. You lied to protect yourself and what you thought was yours. You didn't care who you hurt to get what you wanted!"  
  
"Well what about Alexis? She lied to you too! Doesn't that count for anything? I lied to you and you leave me. She keeps you from your child, and you forgive her. You even help her after all she's done. How is that fair?"  
  
"Carly, she lied because she was afraid for our baby. She did the only thing she could think to do at the time. And you didn't make things better by constantly working on her fears. I wasn't there for most of the talks you two had before you told me I could be the father, but I'm pretty sure it would make anyone crazy with worry, including Alexis."  
  
"I knew that witch would say it's all my fault. And she came running to you for help didn't she? What did she say? Carly backed me into a wall? Carly made me lie to you? I can see she works fast. I just left her a little while ago. She must have broken her neck trying to get to you. So I guess she finally told you the truth about Kristina huh? And you'll blindly forgive her won't you? You're so desperate for a child that you'd forgive her over me and go running after her? How pathetic, using a child to get you back in her clutches. I guess she knows that's the only reason you'd ever choose her over me. Doesn't it all make sense? She's using the situation to get you back. That's what she wanted all along. So don't make this into me lying to you. She lied to you! Not me! I did what I did so we could be a family Sonny. A Family. Something you say you've always wanted."  
  
"Shut up Carly! You don't know what you're talking about. And If I were you I wouldn't dare accuse anyone of using their child to hold onto anyone. Besides, for your information I've known all along that Kristina was mine. But I kept it to myself because I knew she'd be safer if nobody knew. "  
  
As shock appeared on Carly's face he knew he had her where he wanted her. "And I can see by the look on your face that you've known all along too. I can't believe this! After all the long talks about trust that we've had, you still lied to me! Knowing that me being a father would be the most important thing in my life. How could you? And I guess this was the ultimate payback huh? You were so wrapped up in keeping your 'perfect' family together that you'd deny me my child just to do it! No wonder you were trying so hard to get pregnant. I guess you thought if you got pregnant by me that it would even the score a little? Make it harder for me to walk away if I ever found out about Kristina? Well God forgive me, but I'm glad that you and I don't share a child. That would just be one more pawn you would use in your twisted game!"  
  
"Sonny I."  
  
"Save it Carly. I don't have time for this. Just know that I won't forget this, nor will I forgive you for it. I've forgiven you too many times in the past and look where it got me. Kicked in the gut and betrayed by you once again. Well no more. I can't trust you, and I know from this that any hope I had of making things right with you are gone now. The only time I want to see your face is when you drop off Michael to visit me. Other than that we have nothing to discuss. Period."  
  
With an air of finality he looked at her for the last time. "Now I've got to go."  
  
"Sonny, wait! Sonny!  
  
Ignoring her he turns towards the stairs, racing up them two at a time in search of his car. "Damn it! I've wasted time arguing with Carly when I should have been getting to Alexis! I'll never forgive myself if she's hurt."  
  
Quickly disarming his car he jumped into the drivers seat and took off as the winds picked up. The lightening in the sky intensified as the storm approached.  
  
***********************************  
  
"I know that Alexis is going to be soo mad at me for doing this, but drastic calls count for drastic measures."  
  
"Kristina" was formulating her plan as she drove through the dark and winding roads that lead to Brenda's cottage. "I know she'll hate me for doing this, but I've got to do something. I have no other choice! She won't even seriously consider fighting for Sonny because she's afraid of getting her heart broken again. Well that's what I'm here for. I've got to get her over this last hurdle."  
  
The rain finally started to come down, hitting the car windshield in large drops as the night sky darkened even more.  
  
"I only hope I can beat Sonny there."  
  
With a smile on her face, she wickedly spoke her wishes aloud.  
  
"Let the god's be with me. Bring on the rain!" 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
As Sonny coasted along the highway, he said a silent prayer, hoping that the man upstairs was listening. "Oh God. What have I done? I let Carly get to me and I lost my focus. Well no more. I made a promise to you and my daughter that I would always be there for them when they needed me. I don't know why Alexis called me, but I sure as hell am not going to question it."  
  
Taking in a deep breath, he imparted his last words. "God, please don't let me be too late."  
  
**********************************************  
  
*I would walk to the edge of the universe for you  
  
Paint you a crimson sunset over sheltering skies  
  
I could learn all the world dialects for you  
  
Whisper sonnets in your ear discovering truth  
  
I could never worship pagan gods around me  
  
I will only follow the path that leads me to you baby always  
  
Every step I take for you  
  
I will always defend, never pretend  
  
That every breath I take for love  
  
I could never be wrong, the journey is long  
  
With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep  
  
I would carry the rock of Gibraltar just for you  
  
Lifted like a pebble from the beach to the skies  
  
I could build you a bridge that spans the ocean wide  
  
But the greatest gift I give you would be to stand by your side  
  
Some can criticize and sit in judgment of us  
  
But they can't take away the love that lives inside us always  
  
Every step I take for you  
  
I will always defend, never pretend  
  
That every breath I take for love  
  
I could never be wrong, the journey is long  
  
With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep  
  
I won't run from the changing signs along the highway  
  
Let the rivers flow to the highest ground created  
  
Every step I take for you  
  
I will always defend, never pretend  
  
That every breath I take for love  
  
I could never be wrong, the journey is long  
  
With miles to go before I sleep, miles to go before I sleep*  
  
***********************************************  
  
As "Kristina" finally pulled into the driveway of Brenda's cottage she quickly turned off the ignition and threw the cell phone and car keys onto the passenger side seat. "Won't be needing those!" she said laughing to herself.  
  
Opening the car door she ran towards the cottage as the heavy rain pelted her, drenching her from head to foot before she even reached the door. Lifting the welcome mat outside the door, she found what she was looking for.  
  
"Yes!" she cried, as she reached for the key on the floor, happy that her instincts were not wrong.  
  
Using the key to open the door she looked around at her surroundings. The room was dark and had a faint musty smell to it from non-use as both Brenda and Jax had moved out of it months before. But she was more than glad to see that they had left it completely furnished.  
  
Walking into the room she removed her soaked jacket and sat down on the couch, awaiting her fate. Rubbing her hands together she tried to settle her nerves for the task to come.  
  
"Well, there's no turning back now. Alexis is finally somewhere where she can't run. What's done is done. I can't do any more for big sis. The rest is up to her. I just hope she does the right thing."  
  
Settling down for a moment of rest, she lays her head upon the crimson pillows on the couch. Her body relaxing, she falls asleep, awaiting her and Alexis' destiny.  
  
****************************************  
  
As Sonny approaches the bridge ahead he can see that it's almost completely covered in water. Making the conscious choice to proceed, he takes a deep breath. "I have to do it. There's no other choice. Alexis needs me."  
  
Driving through the deep waters the inevitable happens. The car stalls. "What luck I have tonight!"  
  
Banging his fists against the steering wheel Sonny curses at his luck. Speaking to no one in particular he asks, "Is this some sick joke?"  
  
Looking out his window at the pouring rain, he sees he has no other choice. "I'll have to run for it. The cottage should only be a half mile down the road."  
  
Setting off down the road at a dead run Sonny can only see Alexis' face in front of him, willing him to come and rescue her. "She once dreamed that I'd come and rescue her. I let her down before. I won't this time. Alexis won't be afraid for anything ever again. She'll be safe in my arms tonight where she belongs. I just have to get to her."  
  
**************************************  
  
As the storm rages on outside, the loud thunder cracks, awakening an oblivious Alexis from her slumber.  
  
"Who could that be at this hour?" she sleepily asks herself aloud. Mistaking the thunder for some late night visitor to her apartment knocking on her door.  
  
Sitting up, she realizes she's not in her bed. She's not even at home. Rubbing her head, she thinks, "Where am I?"  
  
Quickly looking around at her surroundings she knows exactly where she is. "How did I get here?"  
  
"'Kristina!' What was she thinking bringing me here? Hasn't she gotten me into enough trouble as it is?"  
  
As she gets up she can see that her clothes are soaked. Moving towards the door she can see the reason she was awakened. A terrible storm is happening outside and she's out in the middle of nowhere. Listening intently for some sound of life within the cottage, she hears not a peep. Only the raging winds outside.  
  
"Oh God! What am I going to do? I'm out here all alone in the middle of nowhere, and it looks too dangerous to try and go home now."  
  
Seeing that she might have a panic attack at any moment she tries to calm her nerves and think rationally. "Calm down Alexis. Your safe, your in a house, your not caught outside in the rain. You've taken on hammerhead sharks in the courtroom and won. Certainly you can ride out a little storm by yourself. Alone. That's what your life has been like for almost the past year. You've done alone before. You can do it again."  
  
"Well I guess I won't be going anywhere tonight. Better make the most of it."  
  
Moving along the walls she searches for a light switch. Finding one she flips the switch.  
  
"Just my luck. The powers out."  
  
Looking around the room she shivers slightly from the cold as she looks at the barren fireplace, sitting idly in the corner, devoid of life.  
  
"Well, what are you going to do now Alexis? They didn't have girl scout classes on building fires on your side of the island growing up." She said slightly laughing to herself.  
  
Her thoughts are quickly cut off as she hears a pounding on the door.  
  
"Alexis! Alexis! Open up! It's me!"  
  
"Who could that be?"  
  
"Jax?" she thought to herself.  
  
Getting up the nerve to answer the door, she cautiously moves towards the glass window beside the door. Trying her best to clear her eyesight from its last vestiges of sleep, she pulls back the curtain to see the last person she expected.  
  
"Sonny."  
  
Miles to Go (Before I Sleep) By Céline Dion 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
I decided to break chapter 9 up into two parts since it was so long. But I also thought I'd give them to you all in one day since they are tied together. Hope you enjoy.  
  
-Candice  
  
"Alexis! Alexis! Let me in. It's ok."  
  
Nervously opening the door she lays eyes on the man she hasn't spoken to in months. Part of her was glad to see him. The urge to jump into his arms was greater than she had realized. But her guard was held firmly intact. She refrained from reaching out and touching him in any way. To see any living soul out here would do, she told herself. "Now you're lying to yourself," her inner voice told her. "Admit it! You're not all that upset at seeing him. But I sure as hell won't give him the satisfaction of knowing that."  
  
Putting on her best-exasperated face, she finally spoke. "Sonny, what are you doing here?"  
  
Breezing past her on his way into the house he distractedly searches for any dangers that could be laying within, ignoring her question which just seemed to infuriate her even more.  
  
Watching him scurry around the house, her curiosity gets the best of her as she tried to once again get his attention.  
  
"Sonny?.Sonny. Sonny!" she yells, finally gripping his arm enough to get his attention. "What are you doing here? How did you know I'd be here?"  
  
"Alexis, never mind that. I'm here now. Are you alright?" he asks while feverishly searching her face and body with his hands for any bruises or cuts. Any sign that she has been hurt.  
  
"Sonny.Sonny stop! What are you doing?" she asks smacking his hands away, bringing her arms up around herself as if they could protect her. His touch still had a profound effect on her, even if she had only really fully experienced it for one night a year ago.  
  
Seeing her uneasiness he finally took a moment to stand still and really look at her. She was far too calm right now. The woman he saw standing before him was a total contrast to the distress filled voice of the woman who had called him earlier, pleading for his help. He needed answers and he needed them now.  
  
"Alexis, what's wrong? Has someone hurt you? Tell me. What's wrong?"  
  
"Would you calm down? You'd think this were a life and death situation! I'm just stuck out here in a rainstorm! I think I'm old enough to survive it without breaking!"  
  
"A rain storm? What are you talking about? I thought you were in trouble."  
  
"Well if being out in the middle of nowhere, alone in a creepy house isn't bad enough I don't know what is!" she replied sarcastically.  
  
With a look of defeat, Sonny takes a seat on the couch, as he tries to get his bearings together as well as his lungs reinflated. That jog through the rain really took it out of him.  
  
"Ok, wait a minute. Just wait a minute Alexis. I need some solid answers here. You called me asking for my help like it was a matter of life or death. I nearly killed myself getting here and you act like your ungrateful that I'm here. What's with you?"  
  
"Me? Ask you for help? That's rich! Sorry Sonny. Thought you'd play the white knight card now?"  
  
"Alexis, what are you talking."  
  
"Is this about Carly? It is isn't it! I'm so sick of you two and your twisted games!"  
  
"What games? Alexis, please.please! Will you just sit down? Your pacing is making me nervous."  
  
Ignoring him she continues to pace.  
  
"I'm making YOU nervous?" she asked. Throwing her hands wildly into the air. "I just woke up in a creepy old house all by myself, caught in a rainstorm no less! After having to deal with your wife I didn't think this night could get worse. I guess I was wrong!"  
  
"You saw Carly tonight? Is that what's gotten you so upset?"  
  
Pacing the room Sonny can see that she was now out of breath.  
  
Patting the seat cushion next to him he beckons her to join him. "Alexis, here. Sit down. Just breathe. I won't bite. Tell me what's going on."  
  
The calm and caring timber in his voice stopped her in her tracks as she stares at him, wondering what could have happened to bring out this decidedly gentler side of him that she hasn't seen in months. "Maybe I have nothing to worry about just yet. He seems genuine about not knowing I saw Carly tonight. I can only hope that means that she didn't spill the beans about who Kristina's father is. I can only hope," she thought.  
  
With another questioning look in her eye she decides to finally take a seat on the opposite end of the couch; a tactful move that shows him that she still isn't quite comfortable in his presence at the moment.  
  
"Yes, I saw Carly tonight."  
  
"Did she do something to upset you?"  
  
"Doesn't she always Sonny? Besides, why do you care? I thought the infallible Mrs. Corinthos couldn't upset a fly? From the way you're questioning me I would almost think you actually cared a little if she did."  
  
"So, she doesn't think I care" he thought to himself. " Well, I guess I haven't exactly shown her any proof over the last few months to make her think I do care. At least not anything that she would know about."  
  
Looking down at her hands she tries to piece together what her plan of action is. "What am I going to do about getting myself out of this house and away from this man? I can handle being out here alone, but being here with him is so much worse! I can't stay!" Being this close to him only added to her already shaky nerves.  
  
"Alexis, whether you believe it or not I actually do care what she does to you. You've had enough stress lately and she doesn't need to be adding to that. Besides, Carly is no longer apart of my life. And I'm all the better for it too."  
  
"Yeah right," she added flippantly.  
  
"Really! The only contact we've had in weeks has been when she drops Michael off for the weekend."  
  
'What are you talking about Sonny? Have you and Carly had another fight again?" she asked sarcastically. 'Well let me put your mind at rest. She'll do something to lour you back in and you'll forgive her like you always do. Don't worry, you'll have more pressing matters to attend to than me soon enough. Lord knows that woman is a handful. I give it a week tops. By then your life will go back to the way you want. With the life you want and the woman you want."  
  
His mind started to wander at her observation of him. "She has no idea what I want, let alone who I want or what I need. But then again I guess we haven't had a decent conversation in a very long time for her to even know. I guess I can take the blame for that."  
  
"Alexis, whether you care or not I want you to know that that's not going to happen. We are way past the breakup-makeup stage."  
  
"What makes this time so different from the other times? Did she lie to you? Did she cheat on you? Did she betray you? Hasn't she done all of those things in the past? Oh I know! Maybe she did all three."  
  
"Actually, she didn't do any of those things. Not this time anyway."  
  
As Sonny stopped talking he noticed how Alexis' body language had changed all of a sudden. As if she wasn't merely ticked off or uninterested anymore, but acted as if she actually cared about the outcome of the story. Or maybe it was his own wishful thinking. Seeing that he had her attention, he decided to press on.  
  
"It's weird," he said with a half-hearted laugh. I always thought that if me and Carly ever broke up that it would be because of some major betrayal, and it wasn't like that at all. I mean, of course after I made the decision that we were through I found out some things that I didn't like, but they weren't apart of the reason I let her go. One day I decided to help an old friend and she didn't like it. She couldn't understand why helping that person was so important to me because she has always felt that if she feels that person is unworthy, then ultimately they don't matter."  
  
Smiling a devilish smile at Alexis he continued on. "I guess the part she really had a problem with was that that friend happened to be a woman. A woman apart of my past. And she just couldn't understand why I had to do it. I mean I have no problem when she buts into Jason's life, because I know they are friends, and she loves him. But she just gets so crazy when it comes to me doing anything for any woman other than her or my sister."  
  
Smiling a half smile of her own she added, "And you just now figured that out Sonny?"  
  
"Okay, Okay. I know," he said as he held his hands up in mock surrender. "It's just that, I couldn't believe that she'd be so uncaring about the situation that person was in. I realized that Carly didn't care about what happened to anyone unless it involved someone she cared about. To be that self-centered made me start to think. Really think about the kind of person I was living with. I realized that I had a tendency to abandon a lot of what I value when I'm with her. She never disagrees with anything I do that might be construed as wrong, as long as she's okay with it. And that usually doesn't amount to a lot. As long as I make her happy and keep her 'family' intact, she doesn't care what I do."  
  
"I would think that would make you happy Sonny."  
  
"Why would you say that?"  
  
"Well, from what I can see, in your line of business it's best if you are married to someone who doesn't question your decisions all the time, no matter how bad they are."  
  
"That would have been true for me years ago. But within the last few months I've realized that I don't want to spend my life with someone who totally disregards the truth, or the lives of others. I can be down right ugly at times and if no one questions me, then what will I become? The monster that everyone in Port Charles says I am?"  
  
"Well Sonny, I really never thought you put too much stock into what anyone in this town really thought of you."  
  
Looking down at his lap he took in the weight of her words.  
  
"You'd be surprised how much I do care."  
  
Seeing and hearing the sincerity in his eyes and voice she actually started to feel a little less tense, and also a little bit ashamed. Over the past year she had repeatedly called him names and said things about him that she knew would hurt him. At the time she felt justified by her actions from all that she had been though. But right now, seeing the look on his face she regretted every word. "He still has feelings," she told herself. "He can still hurt. You just forgot that for a while." A feeling of déja-vu came over her. It felt like she was once again in the presence of her long ago friend Sonny. The one who was open and honest, without hidden agendas or someone who used semantics to dodge uncomfortable questions. Someone she hadn't spoken to in quite a while.  
  
"Once upon a time I thought that I did know how much you cared. But this past year has proved me wrong in more ways than one," she said. With these words Sonny watched the slight smile that had graced her beautiful face for a moment leave as quickly as it came, to be replaced by the look he had seen on her face for months now.  
  
"Alexis, you're not wrong. You did know how much I cared. I just let myself get off track for a while. With all the things that have happened to me over the last year it has changed me. It has changed me in a lot of ways.ways that I am both ashamed of, and proud of too."  
  
Looking into his eyes, she finally asked him what she was thinking. "Does helping this woman from your past have anything to do with your new perspective on things?" She was inquisitive in his change to say the least. She was surprised that she even let him know that she cared to know.  
  
"She has a lot to do with my new perspective.whether she knows it or not. Everything that I have done lately has been done to prove to myself that her belief in me was not misplaced. She taught me that I could change my life. I could be a better person, a better man. She taught me that I could live a happy life. That I actually deserved one. One without fear or danger or ugliness. I could lead a life that I could be proud of. And even if she's never apart of my life again, I'll always be grateful for that. I'll always be grateful for her.  
  
Looking into her eyes he spoke directly to her heart.  
  
"I'll always be grateful to you."  
  
"Me?.Me? You'll always be grateful to me?" Alexis stuttered while gripping a hand to her chest, her heart pounding away a mile a minute.  
  
"Yes you Alexis. It's always been about you."  
  
His words seemed to replay in her mind over and over as she tried to figure out if she had heard him right, or if she was dreaming.  
  
".It's always been about you."  
  
"What are you talking about Sonny? Are you saying that you helped me in some way? That you're grateful to me?" Shaking her head she tried to make some sense of what he had just said to her. "Could it be true? Is that what Carly was talking about earlier?"  
  
Searching his eyes she asked him again. "What did you do?"  
  
Not wanting to lie to her he prepared to tell her the truth. She may get mad at him but he knew that enough people had been less than truthful with her in her life. He too knew what it was like when people were less than honest with him, and he didn't like it one bit. Now wasn't the time to be evasive. He had to lay it all out on the table.  
  
"Alexis, I have a lot to tell you. I've been waiting to find the right moment to talk to you, but it never seemed like the right time before now. We have a lot to discuss, and I guess now is as good a time as any to do it. Besides, we have nowhere else to go. We're going to be here for a while; we might as make the most of it."  
  
The tone in his voice told her that she probably wasn't going to like what she would hear. But she had done enough running as it was. "Maybe that's the reason why 'Kristina' brought me here. She knew this was a place I couldn't run from. A man I couldn't run from. She's always claimed to others to want to help me and protect me, and she's done a pretty good job of it so far, besides the fact that she killed a man to do it. If she's that committed to helping me then why should I question her motives now? I guess I'll have to face this one on my own. I can do it. I can get through this. I have to quit hiding behind her and let her go at sometime. That's the only way this whole mess will go away."  
  
Shoring up her inner reserves she hugged herself as a shiver ran through her from the cold and also from the enormity of the task ahead. Looking him in the eye she plainly spoke one word.  
  
"Okay."  
  
Seeing that she was still on board with him he stood up from the couch, moving about the room. "Well, before we begin, we need to take care of first things first."  
  
Seeing him disappear from the room she wondered what first things first could possibly be.  
  
When he returned to the room her question was answered when he reappeared, carrying a stack of thick blankets. Moving towards the couch he dropped all but one of them onto the cushions as he approached her to wrap her in its warmth. Seeing her visibly jump at his closeness he quelled her fears by smiling sweetly at her, letting her know it was ok as he gently draped the blanket around her shoulders. Pulling the blanket around herself she relaxed a little, grateful that he had thought to do this and happy to know that he cared.  
  
She watched on in silence as he moved to the fireplace, stopping only to remove a book of matches from the mantle before stooping down to rearrange the logs in an attempt to build a fire. Picking up the book of matches from the floor, he pulled a single stick match from the box. Striking it alongside the box as it ignited itself. It brightened the dark room for a moment before he threw it onto the logs as they slowly heated and burned.  
  
Moving away from the fireplace Sonny once more walked towards the couch to retrieve the extra blankets. Unfolding each one he spread them out on the floor a few feet away from the fire, and retrieved a few of the crimson colored pillows from the couch and placed them on the floor in a pallet of sorts.  
  
Moving to take a seat on the floor Sonny removed his shoes and socks. When he started to take off his soaked jacket and began to unbutton and remove his shirt, he didn't notice the intake of breath from Alexis, nor its slow release. Not until he started to unbuckle his pants did he think about what he was doing until he heard her clear her throat in an uncomfortable sort of way.  
  
Looking away from him, her mind started to reel with unedited thoughts caused by the feelings his current unclothed state put her in. "My God! This is the last thing I need. To be trapped alone out in the middle of nowhere with a half naked Sonny. This is going to be one long night."  
  
Seeing her discomfort he decided to leave his pants on. The way he had been dreaming about her lately didn't give him too much confidence that he could hide his emotions very well in just a pair of black silk boxers.  
  
Alexis, thanking the gods above could only breathe a sigh of relief to see that he had decided to keep his pants on. She didn't need any more distractions tonight. She needed answers, and that's what she intended to get.  
  
Bringing her out of her thoughts he looked at her and gestured with his hands towards the pallet. "Well, aren't you going to join me?" 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
"What?"  
  
"Alexis, I said aren't you going to join me? Honestly, I just want to talk. I figured the best place to do that would be beside the fire. You're cold aren't you? Come on, I can see you shivering from over here. Let's talk, that's all. Really," he told her. "And it would enable me to get closer to her. Even if I can't touch her, just to be beside her is enough for me right now."  
  
Looking at him with that deer caught in headlights look, she contemplates his offer. "What's the worst that could happen? I mean I know he doesn't want me like that anymore. If you feel any sexual tension in the air then it's probably your own wishful thinking. The man has something he wants to say, and that's it. If he seems like he's being nice to me it's only because he probably doesn't want me to freeze to death. Even when we were friends he did care enough to not want anything bad to happen to me, like getting sick, even if his feelings didn't go further than that. He wants to talk. No more no less. Give it a try."  
  
Alexis hadn't even realized that Sonny himself had been holding his breath, impatiently awaiting her answer as she weighed the pros and cons of the situation. Not until she moved towards him did he slowly release and inhale a cleansing breath. "Get a hold of yourself. Now is not the time to get scared. You can do this. You've been waiting to talk to her for months now. Now's your chance."  
  
As Alexis took the few steps tentatively towards the fire, she finally sat down a good three feet away from him. Removing her heels she then pulled the blanket closer around herself. As she ran her hands up and down her arms trying to warm herself, she was unaware that that's exactly what Sonny wanted to do for her himself, but he kept himself in check. He didn't want to frighten her.  
  
Seeing that she was finally settled he readied himself to begin. "Well Alexis, there's a lot I need to tell you, and as you yourself have said to me in the past, the best place to start is at the beginning."  
  
Taking in a deep breath, he finally let it go. "Alexis, after that night that we spent together, and with all of the craziness of Carly coming back from the dead, I knew that in some way I had hurt you when I went back to Carly, even if you never admitted it me. "  
  
Seeing her simply look at him with stony silence he took that as a yes and decided to keep going.  
  
"I know that you told me to go back to her, and you did it because you were my friend. My best friend. I know that you wanted only what was best for me. I knew that if you were willing to be as unselfish at that time as you had been many times before that, that I had to honor you by doing the same, at least once. So I gave you your space. I left you alone. I knew you needed time to yourself. You were only doing what you thought would make me happy. And that's one of the things I love about you. You're always thinking of everyone else. You never give yourself a second thought. Had I known what I know now I wouldn't have listened to you, but that's beside the point. I was the one who decided to go back to her. I can't blame that decision on you or anyone else. That decision was mine to make. I decided that a promise to Carly was more important than my promise to you that night that we spent together. I said that everything was going to be alright, and it wasn't. And I'll forever be sorry that I didn't keep that promise. I was just so unsure of how I felt at the time. I knew that even if I wasn't in love you, that maybe I was falling for you. But you never gave me a chance to even think about it, or talk about it with you."  
  
"Sonny."  
  
Seeing her tense up and ready to fight he stopped her.  
  
"Alexis please. Hold on, hold on. I know you're angry with me, and you have every right to be. But I have so much to say to you. And while I don't want to upset you, I do have to say this. You stopped me from telling you how I felt once before. I won't let you do it again. Please, just let me finish."  
  
Seeing that he was right she stayed quiet.  
  
"After I left your apartment that day, I tried to put what had happened between us out of my mind. I was happy that you at least still seemed to want to be my friend. I thought that I could live with that. As long as you were in my life in some capacity then I was happy. And I know this will sound really selfish to say, but I thought that if I could keep my promise to Carly to always take care of her AND have you in my life at least as my friend, then everything would be alright."  
  
Shaking his head as if chastising himself he went on. "I know that was wrong, but that's what I was thinking at the time. I know that I AM a selfish man. I take what I want and damn the consequences. For weeks after that I thought that maybe things would be okay. But you came up pregnant, saying that Ned was the father. And that hurt me more than you could ever know."  
  
Seeing his sincerity she felt she had to say something, "Sonny, I'm so sorry. I never meant to hurt you like that. I know children are important to you."  
  
"I'm glad that you know that Alexis."  
  
Taking in another deep breath he began again. "Anyway, after trying to deal with the outcome of the paternity tests I put all my energy into trying to rebuild a family with Carly and Michael. And when Alcazar came into town I was so wrapped up in making things right with Carly that I didn't pay much attention to what you might have been going through or how Alcazar's presence would affect you. By then you had moved out of the penthouse and resigned as my lawyer. I thought that you were clear of any danger you might have been in as my lawyer. Taking in a deep breath he forged on.  
  
"After your sister Kristina died."  
  
"Sonny please." Holding up her hands in surrender she stopped him. "I don't want to talk about her."  
  
Hearing the dread in her voice he spoke quietly and with determination to her pain filled face.  
  
"Alexis, I know that this isn't a subject that you want to discuss. But I'll make it as painless as I possibly can. I know that your loss is still fresh. And I know that you blame me for your sister's death..." Seeing her visibly tense at his words he felt his heart break a little. Not knowing that his assumptions were completely wrong he watched the pain wash over her.  
  
Her grieved expression was not a result of anything he thought he had done, but it was her own actions and words that had disturbed her. She felt shame cloud over her heart at the things she had said to him over the past year. The accusations, the name-calling. She wished she could take them all back and erase the past. But she knew she couldn't. Not knowing what to say she remained silent, unable to look at him. "Here he is being so sweet about it when he should be tearing into me! I blamed him when it was my own guilt over the part I played in her death that caused her to be taken away from me. If I had only told the truth in the beginning, things would be different."  
  
Moving a hand towards her arm and resting it on her shoulder, he again gained her attention. When she did not moved away from his touch he felt a moment of relief. But the look of sadness still played across her face.  
  
Momentarily leaning into his touch she stopped herself. "I have no right to want his touch. I've been terrible to him, and he still blames himself. Here he is comforting me when I don't' deserve it. What am I going to do?"  
  
"Alexis, I need to say this, for your sake and mine. You said you wanted to know the truth, and that's what I'm trying to do. Okay?"  
  
As a few seconds passed, Sonny waited for her response. Hoping she would be willing to address all that had lead them up to this point.  
  
With a shakily silent nod from her he saw that she was still with him, ready to move on with what he had to say.  
  
Taking his hand away he continued. "As I was saying, after your sister died," he said in a whisper, "I realized all that I had put you through. Even though I did nothing to provoke what happened with Alcazar and your sister, I know that my life did bring danger to those around me, and I'll be eternally sorry that my dangerous life touched you in anyway. I know how special your sister was to you. I just didn't know what I could say or do to make things right between us. After what happened at her memorial service, I knew things were irreparable between us. I knew you hated me, and I didn't know how to deal with that. The only thing I knew was that if you hated me then maybe that was for the best. If you hated me you would stay away from me and you wouldn't find yourself in the crossfire like your sister. It would have killed me if something had happened to you. Before I knew it months had gone by. Me and Carly had made up and it finally seemed like you were going to be ok. I knew that Ned was taking care of you so I left you alone. But then Kristina was born and you had almost lost her. I knew that I was the last person you wanted to be around, so I kept my distance. But when things heated up and the truth about Alcazar's murder was revealed, it felt like someone had sucked the life out of me."  
  
Seeing her tense up he once again he put a strong hand to her shoulder to keep her in place. "When I found out that you had been arrested for his murder I knew what it might cost you. If the judge had found you guilty you would end up in jail, and worst of all you would never get to see your little girl grow up. I was so angry because I didn't take care of the problem for you. He was a monster that should have been stopped the moment he rolled into town. But I hesitated and waited. I'm sorry that you had to handle him on your own."  
  
"Sonny.I know you must hate me for putting Jason and Brenda through that trial. But I really didn't know who had killed Alcazar. I know that after the trial the details of the courts findings were kept sealed. The only thing that they would say was that I was found not guilty of his murder. But that was only partially the truth. The only good thing I had on my side was that Judge Griffin was presiding over the case."  
  
"I know you didn't kill him Alexis. But I know who did."  
  
Her eyes shot towards his in a searing look of desperation and fright. "How.how do you know that?"  
  
"I know you. I know that you would never let anyone take the rap for something you did."  
  
"Me? Sonny, I have to tell you something."  
  
"Alexis, I already know about 'Kristina'"  
  
"Oh my God! You do? How did you find out?" She tried to stand up and get away from him, but he expected this and was able to stop her before she got too far away from him. He gently pulled her back down. He could see the fear in her eyes. He knew that she felt exposed.  
  
Gripping her lightly by the arms he stilled her movements and looked her in the eye. "Alexis baby, calm down." He said soothingly. "Everything's alright," he said as he rubbed her back in a motion meant to calm and sooth her frayed nerves.  
  
Neither one noticed he had called her baby, nor did they notice their close proximity to one another. She only heard him pleading with her to calm down and felt the heat of his hands as they ran up and down her spine. As his words and touch sank into her, she knew in a strange way she believed him. After all they had been through she still believed him.  
  
Although her breathing was still a little erratic she closed her eyes to still her nerves. She willed herself to remain calm. She did not want to lose it in front of Sonny and have him see her change before his eyes to "Kristina." For that to happen would have killed her. She still cared what he thought about her whether she admitted it or not. She felt so small sitting before him. She didn't care what others thought of her, but the idea that Sonny could feel even a moments pity for her, or even think that she was even a little mentally unstable made her want to be sick. She knew that she needed to deal with this on her own without "Kristina's" help like Cameron had said. What she didn't know was that "Kristina" had no intention of coming out just yet. She knew that Alexis could handle this on her own.  
  
Quickly standing up and moving to the kitchen she didn't even notice that Sonny had left the room until he returned a moment later with a paper bag in his hand. Thrusting it at her she quickly opened it and breathed deeply into it. The smell of the brown paper bag enveloping her like an old friend. When she finally regained her composure she looked up to see a worried look on Sonny's face. A look she hadn't seen associated with her in a long time. Even after all they had been through she still hated to see him upset over anything, let a lone her. "But I must admit, it does feel good to know he still cares." Wanting to reassure him that she was okay she slowly reached out her hand to him. As she took his hand in hers she found that he was not at all squeamish about her touching him. She would have thought he would be frightened or repulsed by her touch. Everyone else she came into contact with besides her close friends had seemed to shy away from her like she would explode at any moment. They didn't know the outcome of the case besides the fact that she was found not guilty, but rumors could still spread like wildfire in a small town like Port Charles.  
  
After they sat in silence for a few moments she thought she should say something. "Sonny, how did you know about 'Kristina?'" 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
"Alexis," he said timidly, "If I tell you the truth will you promise you'll try to really listen to me and not get too angry?"  
  
Seeing the adorable look of a scared little boy that he had discarded long ago she couldn't help but feel for him. "Whatever he has to say must be really hard for him. For his sake and mine I'll try to keep my cool."  
  
"Sure Sonny. I'll do my best. Don't worry, I'll make sure 'Kristina' doesn't jump out at you," she said laughingly as she made a throttling motion with her hands.  
  
Her laughter only increased when she saw the quick look of fright on his face before it turned into a full-fledged smile, dimples all ablaze. He could tell from her attempt at a joke in such a serious situation that she was going to be okay.  
  
As their laughter subsided she let him know, "You really are under no obligation to tell me anything. So whatever you have to say I will be grateful for. There are so many things that went on that I am unaware of these last few months that I'll be glad if you can fill in any of the missing pieces."  
  
Knowing that she was telling him the truth he continued on. "Alexis, remember when I told you before that I helped a woman get out of a jam she was in?"  
  
"Yes," she said tentatively.  
  
"Well, well that woman was you."  
  
"Me? So that's why Carly was so crazy tonight!" She said laughingly. "Sorry, I know I shouldn't make jokes about crazy people," she said with a smirk on her face, she looked at him to see that his facial expression mirrored her own. "So, you were saying?"  
  
"As I was saying, when I found out that you were arrested for Alcazar's murder I nearly went through the roof! I knew that I had to do something to help you, so I decided to call on the help of a mutual friend of ours to see what they could do."  
  
"What friend Sonny? We don't have any mutual friends. You know that none of my friends would do anything for you. Besides, none of them have enough pull to have helped me anyway, unless you know someone downtown."  
  
Seeing that she was closing in on his secret he tried to explain himself but was quickly cut off.  
  
"You didn't!" Jumping up she began pacing the room again as she had done when he first arrived.  
  
He knew she'd be angry over this, but he didn't make any move to stop her rant. He didn't think it was in his best interest to make her feel caged in, so he let her be for a while. He could see her grumbling incoherently to herself as she paced the length of the room.  
  
After a few moments she spoke loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"I can't believe you! After all I've done to keep my credibility intact you go and bribe a judge to keep me out of jail?"  
  
"But Alexis."  
  
"After keeping an impeccable record all these years you go and wipe out any semblance of hope to be taken seriously once this whole fiasco is over!"  
  
"How will I ever be able to face Judge Griffin again? I mean I know she probably won't spill the beans about what you did, but my God! Who needs that hanging over their head?"  
  
"Alexis."  
  
"What's wrong with you? Can't you refrain from using money or muscle to get anything done for once?"  
  
Deciding that he wasn't going to get anywhere with her this way he decided to keep his mouth shut until she finished.  
  
After a few more minutes of rambling she finally realized that he hadn't spoken in a while. With a look of embarrassment on her face she finally searched him out. He was still sitting in front of the fire.  
  
Quietly she called to him. "Sonny?"  
  
"Alexis?" he said, his back still to her.  
  
"I'm sorry. I promised that I wouldn't get too angry without listening first. It was a gut reaction. You know how I am about my career and being taken seriously."  
  
Sitting down beside him once again she composed herself. "Please continue. I'm sorry that I interrupted."  
  
Looking at her to be sure, he started once again.  
  
"Alexis, even if I wanted to, I would never bribe a judge to get you off of anything. All I did was make sure you'd have a sympathetic judge hear your case. There's nothing wrong with that. Lawyers pick and chose their jury all the time; I just picked a judge who would be the most fair in your situation. I knew that you would never stand for me buying a verdict. It goes against everything that you are. So I made a call downtown to a friend of mine to get Griffin assigned to your case, and prayed like crazy that it would all work out. Thank God it did! And after you were found not guilty, I must admit, I was curious as to what went on during the court proceedings. I knew you wouldn't like it, but I had to be sure you would be okay. So I did a little digging. When I found out about 'Kristina' I decided that the best way to help you was to just be sure that you had the best care imaginable. I made a sizable donation to the mental ward at General Hospital and let things go from there. No one suspected a thing. As you know I give money to GH every year. No one batted an eyelash when I added the extra money to the mental ward. That's all I did. I promise."  
  
"That little sneak! Well, I guess I can't be too mad at him. He did help me when he could just have easily left me out to dry. I guess I'll let him slide on that. Lord knows I have just as many things to apologize to him for. I'll just keep my mouth shut about that for now."  
  
"Sonny, I don't know what to say. You talk as if staying in a mental ward for a month doesn't warrant a batted eyelash. I mean you're being very understanding about this. Even the few friends that I have all seemed to at least look at me funny for at least a split second when they found out about my stay in the 'Haha Hut' as Luke calls it."  
  
"Alexis, why would I do that? Everyone needs a little help every now and then to get their thoughts together. That's all you were doing. Some would probably say that I could use a little therapy myself. You know, get over my controlling and brooding ways," he said with a grin on his face.  
  
"But that's totally different! I killed a man!"  
  
"Alexis, apart of you that you couldn't control took over and killed Alcazar. You would never do that on your own unless your life was in danger. You're as decent a person if not more than anyone I know. I'm not going to judge you by what you did, or by what some other part of you did. I'm just glad that you're getting the help that you need."  
  
As a tear suddenly let lose from her eye she quickly brushed it aside. Blown away by his understanding of her situation.  
  
"Thank you Sonny. I needed to hear that."  
  
He was happy to see that she believed him. But more than that he was glad that she didn't berate him for invading her privacy. Seeing that she was okay with this for now he continued on.  
  
"Besides, I'm through paying people off or 'using muscle' as you say to get what I want. This earned him at least a little smile from her.  
  
"What's that supposed to mean?"  
  
"Think about it Alexis. Have you heard anything lately in the papers or on TV about me being arrested or of some turf war that includes me?"  
  
"Come to think of it I haven't. But then again as you probably already know I was locked up in a mental ward for a month. Keeping abreast of current events wasn't that high on my to do list," she said sarcastically. 'What, have you and the other mobsters decided to play nice for once?"  
  
Seeing the look on his face she immediately regretted her words.  
  
"Sonny, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean it. It was just a joke. A really bad joke I guess. Honestly. All those times I called you a mobster I was just angry. I didn't mean what I said."  
  
"It's okay. I know you were angry at the time. You had every right to be."  
  
"No I didn't. That's one of the things I wish I could take back. Calling you names, pointing the finger at you and blaming you in public. That day at my sister's memorial service I didn't want to hurt you. I only wanted someone to blame because it was too hard to actually accept who was really to blame where her death was concerned."  
  
"Alcazar. right?"  
  
"Well he was partially to blame but..."  
  
"That's what I hated about the whole situation Alexis. Your sister was killed because someone was seeking revenge against me. I couldn't take knowing that someone else I cared about could possibly be killed because of me. After the cops arrested you, and I called in the favor, I decided that I needed to make some major changes in my life. I needed to make sure that nothing like that happened to anyone else. Lily, our unborn baby or your sister were enough. No one else needed to be sacrificed for me to finally get it."  
  
"What are you talking about? Sonny that's a might tall order to fill, even for the great Sonny Corinthos," she said with a slight smile. "The only thing you could do to ensure that, short of disappearing from the face of the earth would be to leave the mob, and I know that's not about to happen."  
  
"Stranger things have happened Alexis."  
  
"Not that strange! My family freezing over the world is strange. You and Carly deciding to end things is even stranger. I never thought I'd see that happen. But you.leaving the mob? That's unthinkable!" she said sarcastically.  
  
"Well, believe it or not, that's what I did."  
  
Seeing the look of shock on her face, he decides to take advantage of her speechlessness and continue on.  
  
"I can't go into the details of the arrangement for fear of putting danger on myself and the lives of my family. But I can tell you this; I am in every way a legitimate businessman. I am the owner of a few dozen highly profitable island hotel and casinos, and I am totally OUT of the coffee business. I still make a pretty penny if I do say so myself," he said smugly. "Jason bought me out of the coffee business and is running it himself. He too is now also on the up and up. He as well as I realized that when the lives of those you love are in danger, you must do everything you can to protect them. He wanted to ensure Courtney's safety. I wanted to also ensure my families safety. That was something we both wanted, so we took steps to make it happen."  
  
"You're serious aren't you?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"I'm sorry if I seem a little disbelieving or shocked, but I am shocked. I'm almost speechless."  
  
"Like that will ever happen."  
  
At his remark he was rewarded with a crimson pillow thrown at his head.  
  
Laughing at her move he turned to look at her and saw her own beautiful smile etched across her face.  
  
"Sonny, you don't know how good it is to hear you say that. I always knew you could find a way of getting out. You just had to be determined enough and willing to follow it through. I have always wanted the best for you, no matter what status our relationship stood at. Friend or not. When I was campaigning for D.A. I never wanted anything to happen to you personally. If you think that I hated you for even a minute I'm sorry. I never hated you. I hated your world and what it stood for. I only wanted to stop the senseless killing of the people around me. I only wanted my child to grow up in a place she was safe to walk down the street in, without fear that she would be shot at."  
  
Finally taking a moment from speaking, they each let the others words sink in. They reveled in the truths they had just given each other.  
  
"How can I go on not being as truthful with him as he has been with me tonight? I owe him. I owe him big and I know it. I guess its time I bite the bullet so to speak and take that leap I've been dreading."  
  
Seeing the serious look come across her face, he became worried.  
  
"Alexis, what's wrong? I would have thought even you would be happy to hear that."  
  
"Sonny, I am happy. I'm very happy that you've finally chosen another life for yourself. But that's not it. There are some things that I need to tell you, and I know that it's going to be very hard for me. Who am I kidding? They will probably be the hardest things I'll ever have to tell you."  
  
"Alexis, what are you talking about?"  
  
Seeing her look away from him he called out to her again to gain her attention.  
  
Seeing her visibly move a little away from him he decided to let her be for a moment.  
  
Finally able to speak, she called upon her inner strength to do what she knew she had to do.  
  
"Sonny?"  
  
"Alexis?"  
  
"Sonny, I don't even know where to begin thanking you for all that you've done to help me."  
  
"Okay, if she wants to dance around the issue a little bit I'll let her. I won't rush her."  
  
"Alexis, no thanks is needed. Just to know that you don't hate me anymore is thanks enough."  
  
His willingness to so easily forgive and forget was all at once a blessing and a curse. "He might not so easily forgive me with what I have to say to him now."  
  
"Sonny, let me finish, please. I know that we've both done things to each other that we're ashamed of. And you have been great about everything so far. But I have to tell you some things that may change your opinion of me. It may even take us back to where we were just a few hours ago. I'd hate for that to happen.but it's a risk I'll have to take. I know I'm going to sound like a hypocrite when I ask you this. I know I wasn't able to keep my cool before like I promised. But do you think you could try and listen to me explain a few things to you?.Without blowing up at me? I need to be as honest with you as you have been with me, and the only way I can do that is if I can trust that you won't start throwing things like you usually do.okay? Can you do that?"  
  
Seeing her face pale in the firelight awaiting his answer, he decided he wouldn't let her sweat it out. "Sure Alexis. I will try to keep my cool. I promise not to throw anything. I haven't thrown anything in quite a while," he said with a slight grin.  
  
Now was the time to be truthful. Now was the time to let him know the many secrets she had kept from him, for way too long. Now was the time to let the one person she trusted more than anyone in the world, into her heart again. 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
He hoped his joke about throwing things would have reassured her that things would be okay, no matter what she told him. But he could tell by the strained look on her face that she was tormented by thoughts of him lashing out at her. He knew that she was aware that he would never physically hurt her, but his words, if released in anger could scare her, and that's the last thing he wanted to do. He never wanted her to be afraid of him. He knew he had to reassure her that it would all be okay, and that he'd do his best to control himself.  
  
Speaking softly to her, he looked her pointedly in the eye. "Alexis.you can trust me. I'm not going to throw anything, and I'm certainly not going to lash out at you," he said, thinking the only thing she really had to say was that he was baby Kristina's father. He had already made it up in his mind to forgive her, so he truly believed this was a conversation he could handle without getting angry or upset.  
  
As she eyed him with a look of unbelief, he knew she might be right on some level. "Alexis, I promise to try and keep my cool. I can't say that what you're about to tell me won't upset me, but I'll do my best. You know I won't hurt you. I never would. I may yell a little, but you of all people know my bark is worse than my bite," he said, hoping to get her to smile a little.  
  
"But"  
  
"But nothing Alexis," he said taking her hands into his. As she tried to pull away from him he gently pulled back, linking his fingers within hers and pulling her closer into his space.  
  
As she gave up the fight of trying to pull away, she could only look down at the floor. Trying to gather the strength to reveal her many secrets.  
  
Seeing her pained expression he lifted a finger to her chin, drawing her face to eye level with his. "Alexis. You can tell me anything. We use to be best friends. Though a lot has happened this past year, we still have a connection. That connection is still alive. Can you feel it? Can you see it? Look into my eyes and you'll know it's true. You can tell me anything."  
  
As she finally looked into his eyes she could see that his words were true. She realized she was looking into the eyes of the man she had fallen in love with. The man she still loved with a passion that it sometimes physically hurt her inside. She knew she could trust him. They would deal with it together.  
  
Inhaling and then releasing a long breath, she squeezed his hand, as though hoping to draw strength from him through his touch.  
  
"Sonny. I guess I need to start my story here. In this place. This cottage holds the key to where my life started to go wrong."  
  
"Here? Jax and Brenda's place? What do you mean?"  
  
"Sonny. This was the place Ned and I destroyed both our lives," she said, her thoughts drifting back to that terrible night. "It was raining badly outside, on a night just like tonight. What we did wrecked so many lives, including my sister Kristina's life, as well as the lives of many others."  
  
Sonny, who was sitting quietly listening, couldn't help stop the images that floated through his head. He remembered the night that he saw Ned and Alexis wrapped up in blankets, sitting by this same fire in one another's embrace. The images flooded his mind and senses. It was the night she gave herself to someone else. It was the night he knew he had lost her forever.  
  
"Sonny. One night last spring, Ned and I were here. We had taken refuge here after my car had stalled down the road. That night was the night I had done something I can never forgive myself for. We had decided to intentionally hurt my sister. We made her worst fears come true. I hadn't thought about the repercussions that my actions would bring. I only knew that I was scared. I didn't have anyone else to turn to, and Ned was there for me. If I had known then what I know now, I never would have done it. But I did. I hurt my sister more than I thought I was capable of. I thought of myself as my sister's protector, but in actuality.I was the one who broke her spirit. I took away the relationship she had with Ned. Hell, I took away the relationship I had with her. In the end SHE was the one who was stronger, not me. She was so angry with Ned and I for hurting her the way we did. But in the end, she was there for me like never before. She was able to find a way to forgive me for betraying her like I did. She even forgave Ned! I can still remember her coming to grips with what had happened, in a way that only she is, well was capable of. She actually found something in all that mess to be happy about. In the end, she was actually very supportive of me having a baby. She couldn't wait to be an aunt," she said with a slight smile at the memory. "I was a basket case as always, but she was there for me! Full of love and acceptance of my faults. I didn't think that kind of love and forgiveness could be possible with anyone in my family. We always seem to disown one another, even if it's over the slightest of wrong doings. But with Kristina, she seemed to embody all that Stefan and I aspired to be. I thought things were going to be okay for a while after that. But I soon realized that I was wrong. I knew that keeping the secret from her and pretending as if everything was okay would come back to haunt me. It wasn't fair to anyone involved, and I knew that. In the end Kristina found out the secret Ned and I were keeping. But instead of her being angry with us for lying to her, she didn't get angry. She decided to reveal the truth. And her love and trust in the truth is what got her killed."  
  
"Alexis, what are you talking about?"  
  
Looking into his eyes, she could see the confusion there. Taking another deep breath she continued on. "Sonny, the night when Kristina was coming to see you at the warehouse."  
  
"Yeah, go on Alexis," he said when he noticed her hesitation. He was doing his best not to sound impatient or pushy.  
  
"Sonny.Sonny she was coming to tell you the truth. She was coming to tell you that YOUR Kristina's father. Not Ned. I never slept with Ned. We both lied."  
  
As the words died on her lips, she felt an eerie chill wash over her. She realized that it was because Sonny's grip on her hands had become cold. They held no warmth for her.  
  
As she felt him disentwine his fingers from hers, she felt apart of herself die inside. Now all she had to do was wait for Hurricane Sonny to hit. Even though he promised not to blow up at her, his silence at this time was more than she thought she could take. She now wished he'd just say something, anything. If he said something she knew he was still there with her, instead of inside his head where all sorts of ideas could be formulating. Thoughts she didn't think she'd like. She knew she had no right to push him at this time, so she waited for him to respond on his own.  
  
During the long moments that Sonny had sat there, staring at her in disbelief, his anger and his love for her were waging a war. He didn't know if he wanted to yell at her for blaming Kristina's death on him, or kiss her because she finally told him the truth he knew, that Kristina was his daughter, and also the truth that he didn't know until now, that he wasn't to blame for her sisters murder.  
  
As he scooted himself away from her and sat back against the couch, he pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger, trying to soothe away the throbbing in his temples.  
  
"How could I have ever think that keeping these secrets from him was best for all involved? He just told me about all the wonderful things that he has done to help me over the last few months, and what do I do? I go and crush him. I repay him by hurting him. I know he needed to know the truth. I just wish the truth I had to give him consisted of something to bring a smile to his beautiful face. A face which is now devoid of any happiness or appreciation. God, if I could take it all back I would. But I know I can't. I have to deal with the repercussions of my actions and take whatever comes with it. I made the decision to lie." With silent tears streaming down her face, she made a silent plea to God to help her and Sonny through this terrible moment. "God.please don't let my lies tear us apart again for a second time. Let Sonny hear me and try to understand."  
  
With his eyes still closed he was able to finally gain composure of his voice. While clearing his throat as he held back the choking sobs that threatened to overtake him with emotion, he spoke anyway, knowing he had more questions for her. Knowing there were still things that were left unsaid.  
  
As he bobbed his head from side to side, trying to loosen the knot that had suddenly formed in his neck and shoulders, he spoke to her softly, trying his best to control himself as he had promised.  
  
"So, so. Alexis, what your saying is.I didn't cause Kristina's death. You admit that I had nothing to do with it. You admit that she was there because she was going to tell me the truth, a truth you refused to admit to me. That Kristina is mine. She's ours."  
  
"Yes Sonny. Yes, it's the truth. I blamed you for so long. I said that you were the cause of Kristina's death. But I lied. I lied because it hurt too much to admit that I was the one to blame. My lies killed my sister, and they killed the friendship you and I shared. Even after the whole Carly mess. I was the one who broke all ties by doing what I did."  
  
Reaching out a hand to touch him, he immediately flinched away from her. His movements tearing a new imaginary wound in her chest as she grieved for all they had lost. She ached for him, for what she had done to him. Keeping him from Kristina all these months was finally taking its toll on her. She knew it was wrong, and now she was feeling the full effect of what she had done to him. To keep his child from him was cruel.and she knew it. After all she had been through with the Quartermains, she knew she wouldn't wish that on anyone, the least of all Sonny.  
  
"So!" he yelled as he jumped to his feet, startling her for a moment. Seeing her visibly back up from him he quieted his voice, beginning again. "So, you've known all along that I wasn't to blame for your sisters death, and yet you let me go on believing it. You of all people know what I go through when I think of all the death that has happened because of me. And the one time when I could have been spared feeling like a monster.you, you go and let me believe something that wasn't true? You let me believe that I had taken someone else's life because of my business, because of who I am? How could you do this to me!"  
  
"Sonny, I."  
  
"Why are you telling me this now Alexis? Huh?"  
  
"Sonny."  
  
"Don't Sonny me! Answer the damn question!"  
  
"Sonny, I knew I had to tell you one day. I'm telling you now because that's what you deserve. You deserve the truth. I know you don't deserve to be hurt like you are right now, but by me telling you the truth, hurt has to come along with it. There's no way around it. I'm so sorry Sonny," she said while clutching her chest for support. "I really am. More than you know."  
  
He knew that she was keeping Kristina's paternity a secret from him. That was something he had forgiven her for, months ago, for he knew why she was doing it, to keep their daughter safe from his world. But the realization that she knew he had nothing to do with Kristina's death hit him, like a Mack truck to the chest. "Dammit!" he yelled as he moved away from her, stalking towards the door.  
  
As she saw him make his way towards the door she knew she had to stop him from leaving. "Do something!" her inner voice screamed. "Stop him!"  
  
As he neared the door he was suddenly stopped in his tracks, her voice calling out to him.  
  
"Sonny!" her voice screamed as it mingled with the thunder and lightning outside. "Sonny please don't leave. Please don't leave me again!" she pleaded with him. 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
As her pleading voice permeated the night air, her heart breaking cries for him not to leave her seemed to get through to him, and touched his very soul. No one was able to do that, no one but her. Baby Kristina was his heart, but Alexis was his soul. The realization that he was the cause of her current pain tore at him emotionally. So much so that his momentary anger seemed to dissipate, as if done by magic or the will of God. For he knew an entity more powerful than himself must be in control at that time. Maybe it was the power of love. No matter what it was, he decided to surrender to it. To let it guide him at that moment, for he knew it was one of the most important moments of his life.  
  
Turning around he looked for her in the semi darkness. As he wiped his eyes and tried to clear them of the tears he had shed a moment ago. His vision cleared and settled on the broken form of Alexis, as she appeared weeping and small on the floor in front of the fire. Her hands covering her eyes as if trying to block out a bad dream.  
  
Seeing her looking so helpless and small he knew he had to do something to make things right. He had to be different with Alexis than he had been with the other women in his past. He knew he wanted her for life, and the things he planned to do and say to her would have to be chosen with great thought and care. She was his life, his very soul; he couldn't lose her again, not when he was so close to having her back in his life.  
  
Walking slowly towards her, he called her name. When she didn't respond to him, only weeping softly he kneeled in front of her. Pulling her body towards him, he lifted her flush against his chest until she was straddling his lap, her arms quickly enfolded around his neck. As he held her tightly he rubbed her back in soothing circles. As he kissed her forehead and neck, he hoped to sooth her cries, letting her know that he was there, that he hadn't left, that he wasn't going to leave her.  
  
As her sobs continued, he rocked her body back and forth as he had done with baby Kristina on many occasions, for at this time Alexis was as fragile as their daughter was.  
  
For a time they sat there together like that, enfolded in one another's embrace. A feeling of rightness finally washed over Sonny. He knew that even though she hadn't said anything since her outburst, she was now feeling a little better. Her steady breathing let him know that she was still there with him, mind and body. He realized he hadn't needed to remind her to breathe, not knowing that she could already hear the words in her head, his voice calling out to her. "Breathe."  
  
He silently cursed at himself for his carelessness. He knew that she was still fragile. Even though she was on the road to recovery she still had to battle keeping "Kristina" at bay. Sonny wanted to talk to Alexis, to make things right with her. If "Kristina" emerged he didn't know how he would handle that, or how long it would take before Alexis would return. He had to watch his temper for both their sakes.  
  
Taking a deep breath he moved his hands to her neck, encouraging her to lay her head on his shoulder. As she did so she snuggled into the crook of his neck and closed her eyes once again, content that he was not gone. Content that he was holding her once again after so much time. It had been so long since someone held her like that. The last time she could remember feeling that safe was a night a year ago, but that night had ended and brought out the birth of a new morning. A morning that she had thought had torn them apart forever. But here he was, holding her how she wanted to be held. Nothing else mattered. She was where she wanted to be. Nothing could tear her apart from him at that moment. As the memories of the past year flashed like a kaleidoscope in her head, she pushed them aside. She knew that they still had a lot more to discuss, but for once she didn't feel the need to analyze the situation. She just went with the moment, hoping and praying that this time would be different.  
  
Taking a deep breath he decided she was okay enough to try opening the lines of communication again. They had said so much in the last few minutes with their bodies, but he knew she needed to hear him speak the words to her. Words were something she could believe in. And he'd oblige her with them soon enough. He was just happy that she was quiet for the moment. Quiet enough to let him speak for once and get it all out.  
  
Speaking softly to her he began.  
  
"Alexis. I'm so sorry that I yelled at you like that. The one thing that I have always valued about our friendship is your understanding that I value truth and trust above all else. I know that we both haven't been that honest with each other over the past year, but tonight is different. Tonight we came together under unusual circumstances, and we began to get back what we lost. We have gotten back some of the trust we had by telling each other the truth; truths I may not like, but truths I needed to hear none the less. I'm sorry that I blew up at you for telling me the truth. I know how hypocritical it was of me to yell at you for the very thing I have always asked of you. I just didn't think it could hurt as much as it did. But knowing that if I don't get past this it could tear us apart again, I would rather forgive you and move on than let it come between us." Rubbing her back his hands warmed her body like an electric blanket, helping to steal away the cold that had enveloped her just moments before. His body once again held warmth for her, and she was eternally grateful for that.  
  
"Alexis, I can't sit in judgment of you and I would never want to, because I know I wouldn't want and of my mistakes examined with too fine a magnifying glass either. I'm not saying that since you have wronged me and I have wronged you that we're even. Not in the least. This isn't a game of one-upmanship where we try to keep score. It's too important to try and trivialize. All I want us to do is to put it all out on the table once and for all and try to forgive one another. Is that possible Alexis?"  
  
Sitting there with her still in his arms he waited for her response. He couldn't bully her into anything like he had done with others in his life. Alexis was different. She wouldn't respond well to that. He had to regain her trust again. They had to move on, but he needed to know if it was something she wanted too.  
  
Suddenly she slowly moved out of his embrace and sat down in front of him. Taking in his serious gaze she looked him in the eye and nodded her head in the affirmative.  
  
Letting a breath of relief out at her answer he sank down to the floor Indian style, readying himself for whatever was next.  
  
Once again she looked up at him, the only question on her mind at the moment springing from her lips. "Sonny, why don't you tell me the reason you came here in the first place?"  
  
Of all the questions Sonny thought she would have asked at that moment that was the last thing on his list. But as he sat there thinking about it he knew that her current question was probably one of the most important. His promise to their daughter brought them back together, and he wanted and needed her to know that.  
  
"Alexis, part of the reason I came here tonight was because you asked me to."  
  
"But Sonny I didn't."  
  
"Alexis I know. I know now that it was probably 'Kristina' who called me, but you have to remember, 'Kristina' is apart of you too. She let me know that I needed to get to you, and that's why I came."  
  
As a semi-embarrassed look crossed her face she chose that time to be quiet and not question him about it, but to let him explain.  
  
"I know that you may be angry at me for saying this, but Alexis, over the past two months I have been visiting our daughter."  
  
As a shocked expression came across her face he reached out to her, taking her hand in his, hoping she wasn't mad enough to pull away from him. They had done enough running in the past. He hoped she wouldn't give into temptation and do it again.  
  
He noticed that she didn't reject his touch, but she didn't give into it either. She simply let him hold her hand, not because she was angry, but because she was still stunned by his revelation.  
  
As disbelief washed over her, the wheels of her mind started moving and turning. "So that's why he hasn't said anything about Kristina being his yet. When I think about it he only seemed to get mad when I told him about my role in my sisters death. Not once did he seem surprised about Kristina being his."  
  
Alexis, I know that you're probably wondering why I never said anything about Kristina being mine, but I had my reasons for doing so. And I promise I'm going to tell you what they are.right now. I've known since the paternity results came out that Kristina was mine."  
  
"How did you...?"  
  
"Alexis, I knew in that hospital room that she was mine. I chose to let you think I believed your lie because I wanted our daughter safe. I thought that if you were that set against her being apart of my life because of my business. I had to respect your wishes and do the same by pretending I didn't know she was mine. I had already thought that I had taken one person you loved away from you because of who I was and what I did for a living, and I didn't want to take that chance that I could do it again. You have seen so many people you love being taken away from you, and I knew that I never wanted the same fate your sister had been dealt to touch our child, or to touch you for that matter. So I walked away from you both. Not because I didn't care, but because I cared so much."  
  
"Sonny.I can't believe you would do that. You actually walked away from your only child to keep her safe?" she said, tears starting to well up in her eyes at the latest revelation he had bestowed upon her.  
  
"Alexis, you have to believe me when I say that that was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. For years I didn't think that I would ever be a father. But once you came into my life and gave me Kristina, I knew that the only way I could make up for my pasts wrongs was to let you both go, knowing that you would be safer without me."  
  
"Sonny you have to know that I never kept her from you because I thought you would be a bad father. I only kept it a secret because I was scared and alone. The only person I had left in the world was my child, and I didn't want to give her up or lose her.I didn't want to lose her to your world."  
  
"I know that Alexis. When I saw the fear in your eyes I knew that you were lying. I can still read you pretty good, except those times when I didn't want to believe the truth."  
  
"You once told me that it's easy to lie to someone when they want you to. I guess you were right."  
  
"Right," he said, thinking about that day. Bringing his focus back he picked up where he left off. "So anyway, I kept my distance from you. I didn't want to make your pregnancy any more stressful than it already was. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't tell anyone that I knew."  
  
"Sonny, you'll never know how grateful I am to hear you say that. Don't get me wrong, I want you and Kristina to spend time together now, but I'm glad that you put her well being first. I always knew you'd be a great father," she said with a brilliant smile. "And after everything you've told me tonight, I know it's the absolute truth."  
  
Seeing her face lit up made his heart smile. He was so glad they weren't at each other's throats and angry anymore as they had been just a little while before.  
  
"So after that day I tried to put both of you out of my mind. But when I heard about you being arrested it's like a switch was flipped back on inside of me, and I couldn't look the other way anymore. I had to do something. You needed someone to be there for you before, but instead you had to deal with Alcazar on your own when I should have done it for you. I did all that I could to help you during the trial, and then afterwards, but I knew my help had come too late. I'm glad that things are getting better for you now, but I promised our daughter that the next time you said you needed me that I would come running, no questions asked. I couldn't believe that my chance to help you would come so quickly. So when I got that call saying you needed me, I knew it was my chance to make things right. But then Carly showed up and slowed me down, trying to reel me back in as always. But over the last few months, and especially tonight I finally saw her for what she was. We don't belong together. I will always care for her because she's the mother of my son. He may not be biologically mine, but he is my son just the same. I will always be there for him, just as I will always be there for you and Kristina. You are both apart of my family. I want to be apart of your lives. if you'll let me. Please tell me that's what you want too," he said pleadingly.  
  
"Sonny, of course I want you to be apart of me and our daughters lives. I know she probably already loves you, and I know for a fact that I want us to be friends again. My life hasn't been the same since you've been gone from it. And looking back over the past year I know that I want my friend back. I want you back as my best friend. Not as we were before, but better, with our secrets behind us and the future to look forward to."  
  
Not realizing the impact of her words she was surprised when he leaned forward and placed the softest feathery light kiss upon her lips. As he moved his mouth lightly against hers he felt a rush of heat wash over him. He knew he should stop, but the sound of her involuntary moan only worked to encourage his actions as he pulled her against him once again, and she leaned more fully into the kiss, deepening it as she ran her fingers through the ebony soft curls at the back of his neck. As he felt her open her mouth wider to receive his exploring tongue, he stabbed his tongue inside her mouth, letting it dance with hers as he reacquainted himself with her taste, with the intoxicating flavor that he had been so long denied. A kiss that set him on fire and had haunted him in his dreams at night, but seemed to vanish in the light of day. But this was different, he was really kissing her he thought, and he didn't want to let her go.  
  
As she melted into his embrace, she felt herself being lowered onto the cushions behind her. His mouth branding her mouth, chin and neck. Passion driving them both on as they got to know one another again through touch. Moving lower he finally reached the delta between her breasts, eliciting passionate moans from deep in her throat as his hot mouth scorched her skin with slow wet kisses, his tongue darting out, tasting her flesh once again. This is something she had wanted for so long. She had dreamed of being with him again and again lately, but something had always stopped them. And then the reality of her reactions hit her. HER. She was the one who always stopped it before they went too far in her dreams, but she now knew the reason why she always did. They still had things to say to one another, and she couldn't fully give herself to him until these questions were answered, until she knew the absolute truth. It would have been so easy to just give in and let things take their course, but she didn't want to make the same mistake again. She needed to know how he felt, and she needed him to say it out loud, no matter what his answer may be. She only prayed that what he said wouldn't devastate her.  
  
Fighting the harsh battle of either staying in his arms and being unsure of how he felt about her or her heart being torn at what he might tell her was a hard fight, but a fight that had to come to an end. With her decision made she disentangled her tongue from the dueling dance they had begun, pulling her mouth away from his as she tried to catch her breath in the process. As his hands started to unbutton her blouse she slowly but gently pushed him up off of her, ignoring his sounds of protest as they both sat up breathing heavily from the intensity of their kisses.  
  
The air was thick with desire, a palpable thing that the two could feel, eating away at their souls. The only sound in the room was their ragged breathing and the crackling of the fire.  
  
"Alexis.what's wrong? Am I pushing you too fast? Is this something you don't want to do?"  
  
"Sonny, it's not that. It's just."  
  
Seeing her eyes cast down he knew she was uncomfortable about something, and when he thought about it the answer came to him. She was hurt so badly the last time they were together. Them being together physically again wasn't something she would probably take lightly, and for good reason. She had been hurt and she needed to be sure of how he felt this time, and he needed to let her know that he was also sure of his feelings for her.  
  
"Honey, if this is something you don't want to do, we can stop."  
  
Alexis, breathing heavily, eyes cast down could not muster the courage or the strength to look into his eyes, for she knew that it would be her undoing. Sonny, seeing this and not wanting to let another chance go by without touching her and connecting with her as he dreamed about many a night, found the courage to make his move for the both of them. The courage to start again between them what was once so right and he hoped would still be there after all this time.  
  
Sonny slowly but with great purpose raised his hand to cup her face. Stroking her cheek in hopes that his light touch would not scare her, but give her a sense of peace. When she did not push his hand away he reveled in the soft warmth of her flushed face for a few moments. He hoped his touch would spark memories of their past, and of the gentle nature that only she could bring out in him. Feeling her lean into his touch sent a ray of hope into his heart, as she cupped her hand to his and finally looked into his eyes. Her eyes were brimming with unshed tears. They told the tale of past hurt, and present desire.  
  
Mustering the strength to finally speak, she says, "Sonny, I am so scared right now. So very frightened of my feelings for you." Closing her eyes momentarily and opening them once again, she sucked in a ragged breath as she patted her chest with her free hand for strength, all the while her inner voice encouraging her, willing her on. "Do it Alexis. Do it! Don't stop now. Say what you feel. Don't hide from him any longer."  
  
Starting once again, "Though my head is telling me to run away, my heart, once again won't let me. I need to know. Please tell me what's in your heart right now. Please tell me if it's me who you are in love with. No games, no dodging the question, no telling me what you think I want to hear. I need the truth Sonny. Please, always and only the truth. My heart can forgive the past. I can forgive you. I know you didn't mean to break my heart before. You did what you thought was right at the time. But now, at this moment, be truthful with me. Lies would be too much for me right now, or even later on if we continue this. Because my heart can't take another lie."  
  
Sonny, once again taken aback by the sincerity in her pain-filled voice was waging a war in his mind. Should the guarded man he has come to be after years of survival knock down the wall that has encased his heart? Or should he simply go with his gut? Or does he let pride maintain control? His eyes focused on her, her eyes sucking him in as only she could. His mind was too filled with thoughts to concentrate on anything else. "I need to make a decision, a decision for life. It's time I tell her what I feel for her. No more word games telling her that she means a lot to me. No more telling her that I simply care for her as a friend. I need to tell her what's in my heart, right now. I stopped the dance before when I thought I was sure. I can see how that turned out. I know that I wasn't, but I didn't want to admit it at the time. But now the unthinkable has happened. Now she has stopped dancing. I know this is hard for her. How can I look into that beautiful face and be anything but honest right now? I can't. I won't do that to her. The truth is what she wants, and that's what she'll get. Nothing less. The ball is in my court. Time to undo what I did wrong."  
  
Looking down, releasing her face from his hold, he was shame-filled at what he had done to her beautiful heart. He gathered the courage to speak the one truth he now knew for sure, with utmost sincerity. Lips trembling and tears running unencumbered from his eyes, he spoke no truer words in his life. "Alexis, that night when Carly returned and I came to see you. I was scared, more scared than I have ever been in my life. I was all at once happy that Carly was alive. But more than that I was scared that, that what had happened between you and me was gone when you pushed me away. I wanted to tell you how I felt, but I let my pride get in the way. I let you push me away. I didn't think that I deserved you. I thought about all of the horrible things that I have done in my life, and I thought I deserved Carly. I thought that the kind of destructive love me and Carly had was the best that I could do or hope for. At least I knew she loved me. In the only way Carly knows how. But I also knew that you cared for me. Yes, you defended me to everyone, but you never spoke those three words that I needed to hear. And even if you did, I was scared that if we did make a go of it, one day something would happen. You would see a part of me that you couldn't accept. And you would leave me. At the time, I couldn't, no no that's not right, I wouldn't take the chance of that happening. It was easier to let you go then to have you love me then leave me. I knew that Carly would fight tooth and nail for me. It was what I was comfortable with. I knew where she stood. Even if me and Carly repeatedly hurt each other, as we have, over and over again, I knew she'd fight for me. I guess what I'm saying is I wanted you to fight for me."  
  
Pain and tears filled his eyes once again as he gulped in a breath and released it. "I wanted you to tell me that you loved me. But you didn't." The wounded look he gave her pierced her heart. She tried to form words to say to him, but he quickly covered her lips with his fingers, his eyes begging her to let him continue without interruption.  
  
"I accepted it at the time. I let you go. I closed my heart and did what I thought was best for me. I know it was a selfish thing to do. I was selfish. I shut my heart and mind off to what we had and I let it go. But it's time for me to turn away from the man I used to be. It's time to let go of the past and chose happiness. Alexis you make me happy. You and Kristina are my life. I know that now. I didn't fight for you before, but I'll fight now if you let me. I love you. I am IN LOVE with you, and no one else! My love for you is real. It's right, and it's sure. I know that I don't deserve your love, but I'm asking for it anyway. Please choose me once again. I'm fighting for you now. Please fight for me!"  
  
Finally gathering the courage to look Alexis in the eye, "I love you Alexis. Do you love me? Are you in love with me? Are you willing to take a leap of faith and trust that what I'm telling you is real?" 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
  
As she sat there, willing herself to believe him, she was finally able to push away all of the doubts in her head. Her own inner voices seemed to quiet and took on one solitary voice, as if she were alone for the first time, in a long time. Even if she weren't alone physically, she WAS alone mentally. That thought alone scared her AND made her glad. Where was little sis all of a sudden? Listening to her own inner voice, she finally was able to let both her heart and her mind become connected as one. Her head was no longer at battle with her heart. "Believe him," her heart and mind told her. "You love him, don't let your insecurities let him slip away. Tell him how you feel."  
  
This time she knew she could do it.  
  
"Sonny," she said while touching her heart. "You have NO idea how long I have waited to hear you say that." "And Alexis, you have no idea how long I have waited to say it."  
  
As tears stream down her face, she can't help but breath in a deep breath and let it go. Something she hadn't been able to do in quite some time. She now felt that with every breath she took, she was breathing because she felt alive. Not because she felt she had to breathe for her daughters sake, like in those times when she didn't want to live. Before now, she had kept going because she knew her daughter needed her. A child's love for their parent is one thing. But to be loved by a man, by someone like Sonny, someone she knew she loved but didn't think loved her, made her heart swell and stretch inside of her chest. To the brink that she thought it might burst.  
  
Taking her hand and pulling her close to him once again, she reveled in his arms, but this time with an assurity that he wouldn't let go. Closing her eyes, she let his scent drift up into her senses. A scent that always calmed her. A scent she longed for in the long nights spent in restless sleep. A scent she now knew she would never have the opportunity to miss again. She knew he'd never leave her alone again. That thought alone seemed to dry up the few remaining tears she had left. For now on, she would only cry tears of happiness.  
  
When she finally let go, she knew she believed him now, and she knew that everything was going to be okay. Neither of them had any secrets to worry about hiding. They were where they were always meant to be. Together, with no secrets to bind them out of guilt, and no secrets left unsaid to tear them apart.  
  
"Alexis.I know now that until I met you, I never knew what real love was. I only went by what I knew to be love. Growing up with Deek, I thought that even if I found someone to share my life with, that even if you argued with them, that if no one ever laid a hand on one another, if no one physically hurt the other person, that that was a heck of a lot better than what my mother and I knew when I was growing up. But I know better now. I know that a family is made up of people who love one another. TRUELY love one another. And that love isn't something that you use as a weapon on the other person to get what you want. You can't use quilt or lies to show you care. It's twisted, and it's something that I was apart of for far too long. Love for another person should be about mutual respect, friendship and trust. And I realized that the only person that I have ever found all of those things and more in. is you. YOU are who I want in my life. YOU are who I love. No one else holds the place in my heart that you do. Even if Carly hadn't betrayed me as many times as she did, I would always know that if I could have my hearts desire, that you would be it. But now look at us. We have no chains to bind us, no lies to keep us apart.right?"  
  
Nodding her head in the affirmative, he continued on.  
  
"Alexis, lets not repeat the past. Let's not let all of the ugliness we've known all our lives mess up what little bit of it we have left. Forget what anyone says about me and you. We let others have way too much power over us already. I want you. And you say you want me. If that's true, then let go and trust me. I'm here with you as I said I would be. No one's making me say the things I am telling you. The only thing I'm letting lead me right now is my heart. I want to make a family with you and Kristina. I know that it may be awhile before that can happen. But once you finish your therapy, I want to be there with and Kristina, every step of the way. Let me be a husband to you, and a father to our child. The kind of man I always dreamed I could be.  
  
"Sonny, I want all of those things too. I couldn't image spending the rest of my life with anyone but you. You are the love of my life. You were and always will be. And just so you know.Sonny, I never meant to lie to you about Kristina. I only wanted to protect her. I swear, I thought about telling you the truth, on more than one occasion. But each time, something stopped me. The first time I came to tell you, Carly answered the door. Wearing the shirt you loaned me. It's silly I know, but."  
  
"No Alexis, it's not," he interrupted. "At least I know that what we shared was special to you. That what I was feeling, you also felt in return." He smiled at her, letting her take her time to go on.  
  
"I wouldn't admit it to myself then, but I was hurt, jealous that you would so quickly replace me. I tried to put my feelings aside for the moment, but I failed miserably. The only thing I could do was leave. I decided to tell you at another time, when we could be alone, away from Carly. But when I mustered the courage to try again, I heard you tell Jason that you wanted Zander taken care of. The next thing I know, Zander is in the hospital. Beaten to a pulp. I couldn't understand how you could do that to someone you said you cared for. Like family."  
  
Sonny, unable to deny what he had done could only say, "Alexis. I'm sorry that what I did hurt you. I'm sorry that I had to do what I did. It hurt me more than you know. Zander put me, my family AND my organization in jeopardy. I won't apologize for that. But I will tell you that I would never have had him killed. I did what I did to survive at the time. To let Zander know that yes, he did betray me, but I still cared enough for him to spare his life. I can't ask you for forgiveness, but I do want you to try to understand," he said looking at her imploringly.  
  
"Sonny, I can't say that I'll ever forget what you did to Zander. But I can try to let it go. I above anyone know what its like to want to change the past. I'm sorry for all of the hateful things I said to you. I never meant any of it. I could never hate you. You're my friend. My best friend. We may not have been on speaking terms, but I knew I was still connected to you. I could feel you with me. Sometimes my dreams seemed so real. It almost felt like you were there with me," she said, looking at him with an embarrassed smile.  
  
"I know what you mean," he said, smiling softly, looking away. Refocusing on her eyes he said, "I dreamed of you so many times. I thought I could even smell you. I'd wake up smelling gardenias in the air. But I'd look around, reach out for you, and you weren't there. It killed me every time." Smiling at her like a naughty boy, he said, "But you're here now. You're here with me, and that's all that matters," he said, clasping her hand in his. Alexis' skin warmed at the heat from the fire and his touch. She blushed at the feelings Sonny's words stirred in her. Sonny, noticing this flashed her his thousand-watt grin. Dimples ablaze, unsettling her already unsteady nerves even more.  
  
Silence enveloped them at the awkward moment. The lightning from the storm could still faintly be heard, as the rain continued to pour down heavily outside. Sonny, not knowing anything else to say replied, "Hey," giving her hand a light squeeze. Smiling a seductive smile that made her stomach flip- flop, jogging her out of her cramped and over analyzed thoughts.  
  
"Hey hey yourself," she replied, inhaling and exhaling. Grinning with the realization that they were back where they needed to be. At ease, with the undeniable chemistry they shared, sitting in the room. Palpable and renewed.  
  
Alexis, with her head lowered was shocked by the change in Sonny's voice as he said, "Alexis, come here," in a whispered command that made her heart beat. Desire evident in his eyes.  
  
She warred within herself, "Should I, or shouldn't I?"  
  
The storm seeming to sense her slight uneasiness had made itself known again by a loud crack of lightning, causing Alexis to jump into the safe haven of Sonny's arms. Her breath as well as his came in short clipped gasps as they both felt the sexual tension rise up a few notches in the already steamy room. Her hands found themselves splayed against his chest. Feeling his rapid heartbeat, her eyes flew to his in that scared rabbit sort of way. That look always seemed to help fuel Sonny's desires to tease her like he use to before they slept together. But he realized, he didn't want to tease her. He didn't want to play games. His life, all that he had gone through had led up to this one moment. He squandered his chance last time. He would be damned if he did it gain. Her eyes watched him as if she could see his mind at play. Wanting nothing more than for him to take the lead and make it easy for her to give in. To make it all ok. 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
  
In one fluid motion his lips made contact with hers with a feathery light touch. Sonny slowly cupped Alexis' neck in his hands, and gently pulled her body fully into his embrace. Kissing her with a restrained passion for fear that his hunger for her would consume him too fast if he was not careful. "Sonny, get a hold of yourself. Take it slow. You have all night. Make this a night she'll never forget."  
  
"SSSOOONNY." Came the whispered reply from Alexis. Their lips barely a whisper apart. Her small voice brought him out of his thoughts, and back to the task at hand. The only thing she could think to do was run her fingers through his hair at the nape of his neck. Holding him to her, afraid that he might let go. To do so at this time would kill her. Little did she know he had no intention of letting go anytime soon.  
  
Sonny slowly traced a path with his tongue along the shell of her ear. His lips finally coming to rest against the pulse point in her lower neck. Her mewling sound reminded him of the first time he had kissed her there a year ago. He continued to sear her skin as he roamed her bruised lips, her chin, neck, and finally the delta between her breasts.  
  
As moments went by, Alexis, becoming fed up with the barriers that still separated her body from his tongue, finally pulled away and said, "Sonny, I need to feel your mouth against my skin. I need you to touch me now."  
  
As she held his head in her hands she pointedly looked him in the eye. He could see her eyes take on another color all together. They were glazed with passion and want. Little did he know his own eyes mirrored the same.  
  
With a glint in his eye he slowly pulled Alexis up with him into a sitting position. Never losing eye contact. He slowly began to unbutton each pearl that adorned her blouse. Reveling in the moment like an expectant child on Christmas morning, he began to open his present. His slow ministrations were killing her, but she wouldn't say a word. Not yet. She'd let him have this moment. She closed her eyes and felt the silk finally cascade down her shoulders. Her breasts heaved with each deep breath she took, awaiting the moment when he would free her from her restraints. Finally the clasp on the front of her bra popped open. And an audible gasp sprang forth from both of their parted lips. Alexis' eyes remain closed as she breathed in deeply, awaiting his touch. Sonny, overcome with the fire raging inside him roughly pulled her body upward. His hands encasing her hips and rib cage as he latched on to Alexis left nipple like a greedy child. Sucking, slowly at first, then slurping, he tenderly bit, nipped and licked her breasts, as if they contained the nectar of life. Alexis writhed and bucked beneath him, unable to form words. Simple monosyllabic responses would have to do for now.  
  
"Yesssss... " Yesssss! Yesssss!" She cried as she felt one of his hands slowly roam over her hips and down to her hemline, pushing upward underneath her skirt. Finally coming to rest upon her womanhood. Cupping her mound, his fingers slowly pushed upward and in, massaging the lips of her pussy and clit. As his thumb moved across her core in slow sweeping motions, she then felt warmth spread to her nether regions, as she shuddered from his assault. Sonny, not wanting to ignore one inch of her body, latched on to her right breast and began again. Bringing her pleasure her body had gone too long without.  
  
"Aaaaahhhh.ooohhh!" she cried, feeling the first orgasm rip through her body. Her panties becoming drenched in her juices from his ministrations.  
  
Alexis, wanting to bring him pleasure, pulled away from his mouth and hand. He looked questioningly into her eyes wondering if he has done something wrong. Alexis, not ready to explain herself, simply told him, "Sonny.lay down."  
  
He did so, slowly, as she pushed his body down into the soft crimson pillows, wondering what she had in store for him. Alexis slowly moved up beside him and looked at him as she smiled. His eyes were closed, his body awaiting her touch. Totally trusting. Slowly bending her head to kiss him, she placed a chaste kiss upon his eyelids. One, then the other. She could feel him exhale as his breath tickled her throat, eliciting a small giggle from her, which made him smile. Not wanting to break the moment she continued on down, stopping to kiss his beautiful mouth. Softly flicking her tongue against his lips, he allowed her entry. As her tongue found his, their tongues wrapped around each other. Not fighting for control, but looking for and soon finding that same, if not more powerful sensation they stoked in each other a year before. She was then free to explore the sweet cavern of his mouth. Feeling the vibration of his moan, deep and throaty in nature, his hands grabbed a hold of her elbows and upper arms. Pulling back from his mouth, she looked him pointedly in the eye and straddled his waist. She can feel the bulge in his pants move and twitch as she sits directly on his growing member. The sight of the scar on his chest caught her eye. Dipping her head down she softly kissed it. Branding his scar with her smoldering kiss. An audible moan escaped his lips as he reveled in her touch. Sitting back up and pressing her lower body more firmly onto his, she slowly rocked her hips against him, driving them both almost to the brink of insanity. She then threw her head back, eyes closed and in rapture of the feelings that the motion stirred in her core. The temperature in the room continued to rise as they both felt their desire eating away at them. She finally stopped her movements after he pleadingly cried, "Alexis.please."  
  
Knowing what he wanted, and more than willing to give it, she slowly inched down his body, pulling at the belt of his pants and started to unzip him. She could hear the sigh of contentment and joy escape his mouth as she reached in and pulled his cock free from the restraints of his decreasingly comfortable Armani pants. Slowly and agonizingly she stroked his cock from base to tip, which had a shiny look to it as she could see the pre-cum that had started to form. Giving his dick one final squeeze, she moved lower. Moving in between his legs she begins to pull at his pants and silk boxers, trying to free him in one move. He lifted up slightly to help her along. With his beautiful and engorged cock finally free, she spread his legs and dipped her head down as she softly licked his inner thighs. Feeling his legs tremble with want, she placed her hands on his hips to still him.  
  
The first touch of her tongue against the tip of his cock sent a shudder through him. His body breaking out in goose bumps. She slowly licked him from tip to base, and back again. Loving the hypnotic flavor she had missed from him from so long before. Visions of dancing under the Puerto Rican moonlight and the scent of gardenias filled her senses. She sucked at his member, as if all these things could be tasted and relived again and again in his unique flavor. Alexis then took Sonny's entire cock into her mouth, swallowing him whole until the tip of his cock pushed urgently to the back of her throat and her lips encased his shaft. All the while her lips turning red with the passion and pressure. She loved the feel of him as his member twitched in her mouth. Alexis, her lungs though in want of air, lost the battle with her mind and will as she continued to repeatedly suck him in, and down her throat, heady in the sensation and taste of Sonny in her mouth. Savoring the taste of him, he finally reached his climax as he shot his cum down her throat as she licked him dry like a cherry lollypop. Sonny's hips bucked forward, forcing his dick down further into her mouth. His thighs continued to shake and quake as she continued her assault until she felt she had swallowed every last drop of his life force. Sonny, still shaky but sexually sated ran his fingers through Lex's hair lovingly, as the last vestiges of his stormy orgasm slowly calm, and a peaceful serenity envelops him. Sonny is overcome with the joy and love he feels for Lex, and the beautiful gift of her heart, body and soul she had so freely and lovingly just given him.  
  
Taking a moment to each catch her breath, she laid against his chest. Trying to regain her strength from the exhausting but satisfying act of love she had just performed.  
  
Sonny, wanting to reciprocate her gift, with out words slowly sat up and rolled Alexis onto her back. Looking into her flushed face he can see her want and need. Wanting to deny her nothing, he slowly pushed her skirt up, and is mesmerized by the soft creamy look of her skin. With nimble fingers he pulled the thin straps of her panties down her body. His breath catching as he can see her pussy, already wet and wanting. As he spreads her legs, he can see her clit, full and exposed. He swiftly lifted her hips into the air, bringing her mound up to his mouth. As she hooked her ankles together around his head, she willed herself not to fall. Latching onto Alexis' clit, unmercifully sucking it into his mouth, he softly bit, licked and sucked it in as Alexis cried out for mercy. Then cried out for him to never stop. Unsure of which request she prefers she lets her body decide. Feeling heady and semi-conscious, Alexis can feel the orgasm start to build. A slow burning in her core, threatening at any moment to consume her. She breathed shallowly and with trepidation, not wanting to miss a minute of this moment. "Now is not the time to pass out Alexis," she told herself. She is for a moment mute, like the quiet before the storm.  
  
As he continued lapping at her core, the intensity continued to build. She can stay silent no longer. She can feel it coming, like icy hot in her thighs, hips, and core. She finally cried out, "Ooohhhhh! Aaaahhhh!" as white lightning and heat coursed through her pussy. Her body began to convulse and contract and the orgasm finally enabled her to let loose a primal scream of, "SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Continuing his assault, he lapped up her sweet juices from her over sensitized pussy as it flowed like an ever-flowing river. Tranquil and sweet to the taste.  
  
The orgasm seemed to last forever as it uncontrollably rocked her body still encased in his hands and mouth.  
  
As the flames in her body seem to cool themselves, she took a moment to catch her breath.  
  
For a moment she is able to regain some mobility in her lower body, so she takes advantage of the situation and unhooks her thighs from around his neck, exhaustion making her movements slow.  
  
He gently placed her body back onto the blanket-covered floor while he gave her a moment to come down from her orgasm and catch her breath. He rested his head upon her breasts, cradling her upper body as they laid chest to naked chest.  
  
As she came down from the dizzying moment she caressed his back with her long manicured fingers, making lazy circles upon his skin. Listening only to the crackling of the fire and her own heavy breathing.  
  
Feeling his member spring back to life, he finally spoke, his voice muffled and almost unintelligible as he lay against her. "Alexis I need."  
  
Reading his mind as well as feeling his desire pushing against her leg, she cut him off. "Sonny. I need you. I need you inside me. Now."  
  
Lifting his head, his heart smiled inside his chest, happy to see that they are now of one mind.  
  
Reaching underneath her to unzip her and free her of her remaining clothes, they can both see that they are now free. Free from all restraints to fully enjoy one another.  
  
Settling between her legs he took one last look at her. Their eyes connecting and communicating all that is happening and going to happen between them.  
  
Taking his cock into his hand, he slowly rubbed the tip of his penis against her folds and clit. Slicking and drenching his member with her juices as she writhed beneath him in ecstasy and agony.  
  
"Sonny.now!" is all he can hear as he looks up into her determined face. Not wasting a second more he finally pushes in. Her pussy immediately gripping him like a wet vice. He can feel the tightness of her walls around him and he stills a moment to let her adjust to his size.  
  
Breathing in deeply, she nods her head a moment later. Letting him know she's ready to continue.  
  
His pace is agonizingly slow at first. She wants so badly to tell him to go faster but thinks better of it, knowing that she wants this moment to last forever.  
  
She can feel him fill her up as no one else ever has. Sonny and Alexis now know that they were meant to be. Their bodies fused as one. Comfortable and secure.  
  
Wanting to feel him ever closer she wrapped her legs around his waist. They continued to ride the wave of passion until they both felt the stirrings of their collective climax begin. Finally joined as one, Sonny can't help but call out to Alexis in the heat of the moment. Her eyes were closed. Too heavy and lust filled to want to open at that moment.  
  
"Alexis...Alexis. Sweetheart. Open your eyes. I need to see those beautiful brown eyes of yours, right now. You are soo beautiful when you cum. Look into my eyes and see what you do to me. See what we do to each other? It's the most beautiful thing I've ever experienced. Share this moment with me.Please," he said as if it would kill him if she said no. "I can't. I can't," she pleads, her head motioning side-to-side, tears escaping her eyes. Biting her lip as the heat continues to consume her.  
  
"Yes you can. Yes you can. I'm right here with you. I won't let you fall. I'm not going anywhere. Your safe with me, believe that. Look at me. There's nothing to fear. Open your eyes sweetheart. Please."  
  
Slowly looking up into his face, she can see the love radiating in his eyes. She knows this is where she belongs. With him, she's at home, she just has to let go and trust.  
  
Seeing that he has her attention he again starts to stroke her insides with his cock. Moving steadily at a faster pace, he pushes her legs higher, cupping the backs of her legs as he places them over his shoulders, which only serves to deepen his penetration.  
  
Just as she feels that he might break through to the other side she pushes forth a shattering scream.  
  
"SSSSSSSSSOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!"  
  
As her pussy convulses and jumps, her walls milk him and bring him to his brink. Her juices rush forth and coat him, like a dam breaking loose from too much pressure.  
  
His climax finally claims him as he shoots his life force into her core. Months of pent up desire released in one act of love.  
  
"ALLLEEEXXXIIISSSS!! ALLLEEEXXXIIISSSS." he shouts over and over as their hips grind into one another.  
  
Their lungs fully stripped of air try fitfully to fill again. Their ragged breaths permeate the air while the thunder and lightning steadily raged on outside in the stormy rain.  
  
Collapsing against her soaked and sweaty body, he laid there, trying to gather his wits. When he feels his breathing return to normal he tried to move off of her, to lie beside her. But she stilled his movements. Hugging him closer to her. Thinking, "You're not going anywhere."  
  
Kissing her forehead, he quietly accepted her body's quiet demand and remained where he was. He then gently unwrapped her legs from his shoulders and laid them aside his own as he settled into her embrace. Comfortable to stay exactly where he was.  
  
With his head in the crook of her neck and shoulder, he breathed in deeply. The scent of her skin affecting him like a drug. He lay there; content in the experience they just shared.  
  
Moments later they both fell asleep, as the wind continued to howl and whip beyond the doors of the house. Leaving two sated lovers to sleep. Not the rest of the weary, but of the saved.  
  
********************************************************************  
  
April 23, 2003  
  
The early morning sun peeked through the windows of the cottage. The storm was gone, washing away all the bad the past contained. The fire in the fireplace had cooled from its nights use, as the two lovers too exhausted to wake, remained spooned in each other's arms, ignoring the light. Enjoying a sleep well overdue, but much deserved.  
  
"Kristina," standing in the corner, could only look down at the sleeping couple. Smiling, triumphant in the fact that all was right with the world. Her sister was safe. Alexis was loved. She was strong enough to face the world on her own now. "She can stand on her own without me." Sonny was there, and she knew that he would for now on and always be there. For Alexis and their daughter.  
  
Smiling at her sister she said, "I love you Alexis. I always will. I will forever be with you in your heart. You don't have to be scared now. You have someone to protect you. You've found love. That's all I ever wanted for you, to be happy. Remember to have fun," she said with a smile. "Don't ever let your love go. Live each moment to it's fullest. And remember to kiss little one for me." Smiling but with tears of joy in her eyes, she walked towards the door and disappeared. Gone from this world, but not forgotten.  
  
Sonny, content with being right where he was, snuggled his head further down into the crook of Alexis' neck, bringing her body flush against his chest as he pulled her closer to him. A smile gracing his lips as he half sleepily but assuredly thought to himself, "Everything's going to be alright. Everything's going to be all right..."  
  
And it was.  
  
Its undeniable That we should be together  
  
Its unbelievable How I used to say That I'd fall never  
  
The basis is need to know If you don't know Just how I feel  
  
Then let me show you now That I'm for real  
  
If all things in time Time will reveal  
  
One Your like a dream come true Two Just wanna be with you  
  
Three Girl, it's plain to see That your the only one for me And four Repeat steps one thru three  
  
Five Make you fall in love with me  
  
If ever I believe my work is done Then I'll start Back at One  
  
It's so Incredible The way things work themselves out  
  
And all emotional Once you know that its all about, hey  
  
And undesirable For us to be apart  
  
Never would of made it very far  
  
'Cause you know that you got the keys to my heart  
  
One Your like a dream come true Two Just wanna be with you  
  
Three Girl, it's plain to see That your the only one for me And four Repeat steps one thru three  
  
Five Make you fall in love with me  
  
If ever I believe my work is done Then I'll start Back at One  
  
Say farewell to the dark night I see the coming of the sun  
  
I feel like a little child Whose life has jus begun  
  
You came and breathed new life  
  
Into this lonely heart of mine  
  
You threw out the lifeline Just in the nick of time  
  
One Your like a dream come true Two Just wanna be with you  
  
Three Girl, it's plain to see That your the only one for me And four Repeat steps one thru three  
  
Five Make you fall in love with me  
  
If ever I believe my work is done Then I'll start Back at One  
  
"Back at One" By Brian McKnight  
  
Hope you all enjoyed my Sexis fic. I enjoyed every moment of it. I may not be a pro, but I felt the need to express my Sexis love in the only way I knew how. As you can see Céline Dion and Brian McKnight speak the language of Sexis to me, and I had to convey that to you in song. I hope the message in they're songs touched you as they did me. Sexis lives, no matter what the GH writer's may say. If only in our AU. Sexis happened, plain and simple. Sexis was and is meant to be. They're still breathing. Remember that always.  
  
Candice (bcandylandgirl) 


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